Sexy!

The Academy of Useless Lists this morning published their ranking of America’s sexiest Presidents.  No. 2 in the ranking will be no surprise being the current occupant of the White House.  But No. 1 definately is.  That’s right.  Our sexiest President ever was none other than Martin Van Buren.

According to a spokesman from the A.U.L., Van Buren “had it all.  Tight pants, an impish glow in his eyes and  that sexy male pattern baldness.  He reminds me of Ted Danson.”

Van Buren was known to take nude swims in the Potomac River and would, accidentally of course, inform certain reporters when his next swim was. This ensured glowing coverage of his Administration.

Many similarities exist between Van Buren and the current occupant of  1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  “Not many people realize that Van Buren, being Dutch, also belonged to a despised minority.  I mean, c’mon.  The Dutch??  Even the French hate them.”

Obama’s No. 2 ranking comes as no surprise given the fact that he is “clean, articulate and looks good in a bathing suit.”

The full rankings will be published at the end of the week.  At the bottom of the list as the least sexiest presidents?

Warren Harding.   “He’s from Ohio for God’s sake.  No one sexy ever comes from Ohio.”

John Kennedy.  “Too Irish.”

William Howard Taft. “Our focus group found that he reminds people of the fat butler from ‘Family Affair.’ ”

And our least sexiest president:  Woodrow Wilson.  Why? “His first name was Woodrow.  If that wasn’t bad enough he was Presbyterian.  Those two facts combined are a recipe for ugliness.”

As for Obama’s future when he leave the White House, grand things are predicted. “I definately see him with  his own talk show, or at least replacing Whoopie on ‘The View.’ “

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