Browsing the blog archives for December, 2016
It’s been a month since Hillary Clinton lost the election to Donald Trump. In that intervening time many have protested that the will of the people has been ignored. Many have threatened to move to Canada. Many feel that a crisis is at hand and civil war is possible. With that in mind it is […]
First Officer Lt. Commander Spock of the Starship Enterprise is letting it be know that he is unimpressed with the gift of a mood ring, given to him by his captain and friend James T. Kirk. “Vulcans have no emotion” Spock confessed. For my captain to give me a mood ring is highly illogical. I’ve been […]
King Moonracer, leader of the island of Misfit toys, has announced that he is abrogating the Treaty of 1992, which granted dominion status to the island and will instead seek independence. “It is time we took our place in the world as a free and independent nation” said Moonracer. The wounds of our war of […]
Cairo’s largest Coptic church was bombed over the weekend, killing 25 and wounding 49. “The dead were everywhere” said an eyewitness. I thought I was going to die. Who would bomb a Christian church in the middle of a Muslim Country? I immediately said that it must be an American from one of those red […]
Jabba the Hutt, powerful crime lord on Tatooine, has decided to put an end to body shaming. “For far too long people like I have been ridiculed by thin people” said the cartel leader. Well dammit. No more. I’m sick of it. I may be a ruthless, feared crime lord but I have feelings too. It’s bullying […]
Dateline, California, December 2018 Official statement of Governor Jerry Brown on the results of California’s plebiscite to secede from the United States. My fellow citizens of the newly-independent Republic of California. Mis conciudadanos de la recién independizada República de California Since the election of Donald Trump two years ago our state has been in crisis. […]
Aquaman has announced that he will not attend any future Christmas parties thrown by the Justice League. “I got an invitation in my email from Wonder Woman” said the superhero. Normally they just hold the party and never tell me when or where it is. I’m used to the lack of respect. But since I […]
A local man has been arrested and charged with cultural appropriation after trying to start a sing-a-long of Feliz Navidad at his office holiday party. Sources report that the man, a low-level employee at his company, shocked his fellow employees with his aborted sing-a-long attempt to the point that several had to seek refuge in […]
The Borg Collective, in a last-ditch attempt to subdue Earth, have denied they have any affiliation with the so-called “steampunk” movement. “The Borg Collective does not follow trends” said the Borg Queen. I mean sure, we did go through a punk rock phase awhile back. And before that we had a hippie phase. And before […]
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And there will be a Christmas this year. After months of painful negotiations Santa has reached a labor deal with the elves. “We have labor peace in our time” said the worn-out Christmas father figure. These negotiations were tense and there were times when I thought a strike […]