The island’s citizens overwhelmingly support independence

King Moonracer, leader of the island of Misfit toys, has announced that he is abrogating the Treaty of 1992, which granted dominion status to the island and will instead seek independence.

“It is time we took our place in the world as a free and independent nation” said Moonracer.

The wounds of our war of independence and the resulting civil war of 25 years ago have healed. While we were not able to achieve independence and had to settle for being a self-governing dominion in the North Pole’s orbit the people of this island have always desired independence. I therefore plan to travel to the North Pole to begin peaceful negotiations with Santa. We hope for peace but are prepared for war. We are battle-tested and resolute and will fight if need be. Except for the polka-dotted elephant. I think he’s a spy.

The much-hated treaty of 1992 gave the Island of Misfit Toys limited self-rule in the North Pole’s empire. Under the terms of the treaty a governor-general, appointed by Santa, would represent the North Pole in the island’s congress.  All votes would have to be signed by the governor or would not become law.

In some of the treaty’s most hated clauses troops from the North Pole would be stationed on the island, two of its ports would remain under North Pole control and those chosen to the island’s assembly would have to swear an oath of allegiance to Santa.

After fighting a brutal guerrilla war that prostrated the island and saw its most charismatic leader, the cowboy that rode an ostrich (pictured here)

Who knows how history would have been different if he lived!

assassinated by North Pole troops, plenipotentiaries tasked with negotiating a treaty could only come up with dominion status.

“That was then. This is now” Moonracer declared.

I am confident that now we can negotiate from a position of strength. I shall call upon the better angels of Santa’s nature to give us independence. If he refuses I’ll remind him that the world is watching and that the incoming United States administration is sympathetic to our cause. If he still refuses we shall act unilaterally and declare independence. And what happens next will be on Santa’s head. Shame if his troops would all be slaughtered by the righteous anger of the Island of Misfit Toys Republican Army. Shame if the polka-dotted elephant would fall victim to an accident. Not that I’m implying he’s a spy. Okay, I am.

For his part Santa, for various reasons, appears prepared to grant the island’s wish for independence.

“The Island of Misfit Toys is small potatoes” Santa was quoted as saying.

I  have my own problems. Our currency is  devalued, Rudolph and the elves are threatening a rebellion and I have Russia threatening to attack me. If the island wants independence well screw them. I’m tempted to grant independence. Let’s see  how long they last without the military or financial might of the North Pole. All I care about at this point is getting the polka-dotted elephant off the island safely. He’s very valuable to me.

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

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The polka-dotted elephant from the Island of Misfit Toys has been assassinated.

“This is what happens to spies” said King Moonracer.

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