From the Manhattan Infidel Future Archives: California Secedes!

The values of the United States are not the values of The Republic of California!

The values of the United States are not the values of The Republic of California!

Dateline, California, December 2018

Official statement of Governor Jerry Brown on the results of California’s plebiscite to secede from the United States.

My fellow citizens of the newly-independent Republic of California.

Mis conciudadanos de la recién independizada República de California

Since the election of Donald Trump two years ago our state has been in crisis. Do we accept the results of the racist electoral college?

Do we really want undereducated white people from Montana and Kansas telling us who will be our next president?

¿Realmente queremos que la gente blanca de Montana y Kansas nos diga quién será nuestro próximo presidente?

Our country, our progressive values are threatened by those majority white states.

I’ll say it again. Our values are threatened by those majority white states.

Estados blancos mayoritarios

The values of the California are not the values of the United States.

Except for debt. We have a lot of that.

Trump said he would make America great again. The Republic of California has always been great.

La República de California siempre ha sido genial.

We have over 31 recognized genders in our Republic. That’s the most anywhere on the globe.  Our restaurants now have all built 31 separate restrooms for these genders.  Do the majority white states of middle America do this?

This is just one of the many reasons we must form our own country.

Now there are those who say this isn’t practical. There are those who say that the United States will forcibly take us back into the Union.

I say let them try. 

Oh sure we have over 800 miles of coastline to defend and no navy to do it with.

But what we do have is the moral superiority of a majority Spanish speaking peoples.

Lo que sí tenemos es la superioridad moral de la mayoría de los pueblos de habla hispana.

My Chicano friends will use their special Latino wisdom to fight the guns of the white man.

Mis amigos chicanos usarán su especial sabiduría latina para luchar contra las armas del hombre blanco.

And yes, we are a Republic deeply in debt and dependent on Washington DC’s money to keep us going. We have rolling brownouts. Droughts because we haven’t built a new reservoir in almost 100 years.

But none of this matters.


Because this is what we do have, besides lots of Hispanics.

We have Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Rob Reiner, Mark Ruffalo, Madonna and everyone else in Hollywood who are just as outraged and repulsed by American values as we are.

And with Hollywood on our side we cannot lose.

I mean sure, we may have the crap bombed out of us but I and everyone in Hollywood will survive in our underground bunkers.

As for our majority latinos? They will unfortunately probably die in the bombing.

Te agradezco por tu sacrificio

I thank you for your sacrifice.

The sacrifice that will allow the Republic of California to survive.

This is my last message before entering my underground bunker.  

But before I go I’d just to say to my latino friends:

Not all of you will die.  I have a Hispanic maid.  She will follow me into my underground bunker. She will survive.

Long live the Republic of California!

¡Larga vida a la República de California!

Oh, and sorry about all the bombing you will have to endure.

Siento todo el bombardeo que tendrás que soportar!



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