Nobody wants me!

Aquaman has announced that he will not attend any future Christmas parties thrown by the Justice League.

“I got an invitation in my email from Wonder Woman” said the superhero.

Normally they just hold the party and never tell me when or where it is. I’m used to the lack of respect. But since I got an invite, I don’t know maybe it was sent by mistake, I decided to go. I was looking forward to networking with my fellow superheros in a non-office environment. You know, getting to know them.

The trouble for Aquaman began when he arrived at the party.

The seating location is very important. Where you are seated shows where you stand in the organization. It shows your pecking order. I was hoping to be seated at the same table as Superman and Wonder Woman. Instead I find that they have me at a table with the Martian Manhunter. Hello? That’s like being sent to the kid’s table. I feel I deserve more respect than that. What am I going to say to the Martian Manhunter?  “Hey Martian how does it feel to be one of the lesser lights in the Justice League?” So yeah, I was annoyed at the seating.

Aquaman was further irritated when he noticed that the table seating Superman and Wonder Woman was roped off.

What the hell kind of message does that send? I can’t even talk to my coworkers at a party? I tried to go up to their table but Batman was working security and wouldn’t let me past the velvet ropes. “I see they got you working?” I told him as a joke. What does Batman say?  “I’m Batman dammit” and then he tells me to back up or he will taser me. He’s such a jerk.

Aquaman tried to talk to Superman and Wonder Woman nevertheless.

“I shouted “Hey Superman! It’s me Aquaman. I just want to wish you  happy holidays and tell you how much I respect you.”  You think he’d react to that. But no. He just looks at me and smiles condescendingly. Then Wonder Woman sits in his lap! His lap! That’s a clear violation of HR codes. At least that’s what Wonder Woman told me.

Rebuffed by Superman and jealous of his apparent intimacy with Wonder Woman, Aquaman stormed out of the party without even sitting down at his table.

Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. I felt sorry for the Martian Manhunter. Now he has to sit next to the Green Lantern and he’s such a nerd. But I just couldn’t take the lack of respect anymore. Besides, it’s not a Christmas party. It’s a holiday party. It’s offensive to Jews like me to call it a Christmas party. That’s right. I’m Jewish! Ever think that maybe 40  years of wandering through the desert I’d like to spend time surrounded by lots of water?

The Justice League has announced that Aquaman will be suspended without pay for one week because of his unprofessioanl conduct at the party.

“He gave me the finger” said Superman. “That’s unacceptable and a violation of HR ordinances. Now if you excuse me I have to get back to tonguing Wonder Woman. There’s no ordinance against that. We just tell Aquaman that to piss him off.”

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