My Exclusive Interview with Bill and Hillary Clinton

I should be president!

I should be president!

It’s been a month since Hillary Clinton lost the election to Donald Trump. In that intervening time many have protested that the will of the people has been ignored. Many have threatened to move to Canada. Many feel that a crisis is at hand and civil war is possible.

With that in mind it is my pleasure to introduce the defeated candidate, Hillary Clinton, and her husband, Bill.

MI: Good afternoon to the two of you.

BC: I did not have sexual relations with that woman

MI: I’m not talking about Monica Lewinsky.

BC: I was referring to Hillary.

HC: [Waking up]  Did someone mention my name?

MI: Miss Clinton it’s good of you to wake up

HC:  Sorry I was dehydrated.

MI: Would you like some water?

HC: Sure

[Manhattan Infidel give Hillary Clinton a cup of water]

HC: [Spitting it out] What the hell?  There’s water in my water!

MI: Okay now let’s talk about what’s happened since the election. Lots of celebrities such as Chelsea Handler – 

BC: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

MI: Barbara Streisand – 

BC: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

MI:  Madonna.

BC: [Pause] Okay I did have sexual relations with her. Several times. Indoors. Outdoors. Upside down. On roller skates. She’s a very freaky girl.

MI: Um.

HC: Where the hell’s my drink?

MI: I gave you a glass of water.

HC: Water? Water? I’m Hillary motherf*cking Clinton. Do you think I need motherf*cking water to quench my thirst? I need whiskey asshole!

MI: Okay any particular variety?  Bourbon? Rye?

HC: I don’t motherf*cking care as long as it burns the back of my throat.

BC: Like my manhood.

[Bill Clinton and Manhattan Infidel high-five each other]

MI: Good one.

HC: I need a drink. You had better get me a drink now or I’ll get violent.

BC: You better do what she says.  Once in the White House we didn’t have any whiskey for her so she beat up the Dali Lama.

MI: I’m sorry Mrs. Clinton but I don’t have any whiskey.

HC: Motherf*cker!

[She lunges at Manhattan Infidel]

BC: I hope you don’t mind if I leave you alone now. I’ve seen this happen many times before. It’s never pretty. Besides I have to meet up with Miley Cyrus. She says she’s going to do things with me that Madonna never thought of.

[Bill Clinton leaves]

MI: Wait. Bill. Don’t leave! Help!  Help!

[Hillary continues to pummel Manhattan Infidel]

HC: I’m Hillary motherf*cking Clinton and I want motherf*cking whiskey!

[She pounds Manhattan Infidel’s head into the ground until he loses consciousness]

HC: I’m Hillary motherf*cking Clinton! I shall have my vengeance!

[She rips Manhattan Infidel’s arm off and holds it up over her head, letting the blood drip into her mouth]

HC: By drinking your blood I gain your strength!

Well that was an unpleasant interview. Luckily I was able to get my arm grafted back on. You know America does have the best health system in the world. If you like your doctor you can truly keep your doctor!

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