Browsing the blog archives for October, 2010
As part of my continuing series that aims to provide useful information for my readers I now present your horoscope. ARIES – March 21 – April 20 The first sign of the Zodiac, Aries is ruled by Mars. This means you are a cantankerous, grouchy, unpleasant son of a bitch no one likes, which is […]
The Department of Homeland Security announced today that a new, higher level, the Charlie Sheen level, will be added to the threat level chart, replacing the former top level of severe. Amid reports of a booze, cocaine and hooker filled rampage at a posh New York City hotel, Homeland Security head Janet Napolitano said, “We’ve […]
The FDA has tentatively approved gene-altered salmon for consumption in the United States. “This is a great day for science” said an FDA official. “Not only do gene-altered fish grow twice as quickly as normal fish but they have other benefits as well.” Because gene-altered fish grow quicker than normal fish that means that more […]
The mother was frantic and rushed her child to the emergency room. Her son has swallowed poison and needed to have his stomach pumped. Ipecac was administered to no avail. The child refused to vomit. “The kid must have a cast-iron stomach” said the attending physician in the ER. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” […]
Recently I had the opportunity to sit down with notorious Irish con artist Paul David Hewson. We discussed a variety of issues including the future of his band U2 and allegations against his ONE Foundation. MI: Bono it’s great to meet you. I’ve been a fan of U2 for years. Paul Hewson: Thank you. You […]
Juan Williams, a known controversial racist was fired by NPR today because of the outrage over his controversial racially-charged comments on Fox News. Williams’ downfall began when appearing on the O’Reilly factor he explained that his favorite variety of Pop-Tarts are the Vanilla Milkshake flavor and that he finds the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor […]
House speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), pictured above, has announced that the controversial Skynet operating system for the Pentagon has been shut down after a series of malfunctions. “After much reflection and trial and error” said Pelosi, “we have decided to go in a new, more cost-efficient direction for our security needs.” Pelosi then told […]
“Hath not a dude eyes? If you prick us do we not grow bummed? If we eat bad guacamole do we not blow chunks?” ~ William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice. So tonight your humble correspondent went to Yankee Stadium to see game four of the American League Championship Series between the Yankees (truth, justice, the […]
Recently I was honored when legendary NFL quarterback Brett Favre, formerly of the Green Bay Packers and New York Jets and now with the Minnesota Vikings, asked me if he could use my site to send a message to his fans. Naturally, as a serious journalist I was happy to oblige. Take it away Brett: […]
Hugo Drax, President and CEO of Drax Industries, exclusive maker of the Space Shuttle, has announced that in light of his failed attempt to kill all humans and repopulate the planet with a master race that his company will fold operations. “What can I say? I overextended myself. Using a rare South American orchid to […]