Browsing the blog archives for October, 2009
In a stunning turn of events, President Obama’s newly appointed Pay Czar Ken Feinberg was forced to abdicate his position and later was kidnapped by Bolsheviks. Shortly before 10 A.M. Feinberg, disheartened by the progress of the War in Afghanistan and realizing that his position had become politically untenable, abdicated as the United States’ Pay […]
With the imminent release of the movie 2012, which purports to show the fullfillment of Mayan prophesy regarding the end of the World, attention has been drawn to what else the Mayans may have warned us about. In the remains of a holy Mayan temple researchers found an ancient Mayan scroll filled with prophesies and […]
A controversial new study has found that America does not in fact turn its lonely eyes to Yankee great Joe DiMaggio. The Center for Simon and Garfunkel Appreciation, located in Long Beach, Long Island funded the search. “Times are tough out there. The Nation is in deep turmoil. What better way we thought to make […]
Following the deaths of three runners in the 32nd annual Detroit Marathon autopsies were performed to determine the cause of death. “Naturally anytime someone dies in the City of Detroit we consider it a tragedy” said Mayor Dave Bing shortly before he was shot by stray gunfire. The first autopsy was performed on Daniel Langdon […]
The Obama Administration today called out the school newspaper of James Buchanan Elementary School in Harrisburg Pennsylvania over what it called “biased and untrue” coverage. The trouble began when the school newspaper ran a story last week entitled “Obama unfair to school kids: No more soda in the cafeteria.” Upon reading the article, President Obama […]
The State Department today issued an advisory warning all American men to avoid traveling in Canada, particularly if they are traveling alone. “We have lately been getting disturbing reports of American men who have been abducted by Canadian woman. These men are subjected to humiliating treatment. But I should have expected no less from a […]
Apple Senior Vice President of iPhone Software Scott Forstall introduced the latest generation of iPhones and the many new apps that come with it. “I awoke one morning and my iPhone was levitating over the bed” says Forstall. “It was saying ‘I am iPhone. You shall worship no other but me.’ It was then that […]
With the double murder trial of Bedrock resident Fred Flintstone now dragging on into its 3rd month tempers flared, lawyers were held in contempt and surprising new evidence was introduced. The week started off with the judge and the prosecution getting into a shouting match that led to a contempt citation. When the prosecution tried […]
“We did this for a show” said 6-year old Falcon Heene, outing his father’s latest publicity stunt. But what most people do not realize is that publicity stunts have a long and respectable history going back to the beginning of time. The first recorded publicity stunt was “The Big Bang.” “I was just starting out […]
The Grim Reaper today sued legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards for breach of contract following Richards’ repeated refusals to admit that he is in fact dead. “I’ve had it” said the Reaper. “I can’t take it any more. I’ve been chasing him around for 36 years now and he still refuses to admit he’s […]