Browsing the blog archives for October, 2009
New evidence has been uncovered that proves that beloved cartoon character Bugs Bunny was actually a hare. “Hollywood in the 1940s was ‘rabbit-crazy’. Rabbits were all the rage. If you were a rabbit you were guaranteed a job and access to all the hip clubs” states James Wilson, author of “Hares and Hollywood: A Shocking […]
Hoping to attract new and younger readers, the American Council of Christian Churches (ACCC) has released their much anticipated new Bible translation. “With this translation we wanted to keep the essence intact but emphasize the latent multiculturalism and environmentalism of the Bible” said their President Dr. John McNight (EMC). “I think this translation will help […]
The United States today filed a restraining order against the Continent of Europe. Citing an “uncomfortable pattern of behavior ” that breached a natural comfort zone, the U.S. has asked that Europe not contact it anymore and that it stay 3000 miles distance from the Unites States at all times. “I mean, c’mon. Europe’s a […]
The approximately 6,999,999,999 people who are not George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States were simultaneously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize today. “We have given the entire world’s population the prize this year because they all share one thing in common – by not being George W. Bush they advance the cause of […]
From Oslo, Norway today came word that the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to the Toyota Prius. “We had some very fine candidates this year but in the end we felt that the Toyota Prius, with its sleek fuel efficient and energy saving design has done more to bring about world peace than […]
Mr Vice President, Mr. Speaker, members of the Senate and of the House of Representatives: Yesterday, October 9th, 2009 — a date which will live in infamy — the Moon was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the forces of the United States of America. The Moon was at peace with that nation and indeed tolerated […]
A new study released today looking into health care costs among zombies has found that the undead who maintain a strict vegetarian lifestyle have lower cholesterol and a longer afterlife. “Zombies are second only to Hispanics in terms of minority population in the United States. With numbers like these the Administration wanted to find out […]
It has been announced today that in an attempt to stop the ratings decline of postseason baseball, Ted Williams head will be thrown out as the first pitch to open the series. “As Commissioner I am well aware of the ratings decline for the World Series” declared Bud Selig. “I think having the body of […]
In a stunning blow to his young administration, President Obama’s personal appeal to the International Lemonade Stand Committee (ILSC) to name Scriba New York as the host of the 2016 Lemonade Stand Olympics was rejected. Putting the prestige of his Presidency on the line Obama, the First Lady, Oprah Winfrey, Ricky Lake and the hosts […]
Scooby Doo, well-known ghost hunting dog has sued longtime human companions Shaggy, Fred, Velma and Daphne, aka “Mystery Inc” for “mental cruelty and loss of income” resulting from the absence of his testicles. In a lawsuit filed today in the U.S. District Court Southern District of New York, Doo’s lawyers expounded upon an “extremely cruel […]