International Lemonade Stand Committee Rebuffs President Obama’s Plea

The best lemonade stand in the world is not in Scriba New YorkIn a stunning blow to his young administration, President Obama’s personal appeal to the International Lemonade Stand Committee (ILSC) to name Scriba New York as the host of the 2016 Lemonade Stand Olympics was rejected.

Putting the prestige of his Presidency on the line Obama, the First Lady, Oprah Winfrey, Ricky Lake and the hosts of The View all flew to Copenhagen to push for America hosting the 2016 games, where lemonade stands from around the world will show off their goods.

Acting upon a plea from the Scriba 2016 Committee President Obama told reporters that having the Lemonade Stand Olympics in the United States was a matter of “national pride.”  Addressing the Committee President Obama thanked members for taking time out from their busy schedule to hear him.

The President used all his immense charm to sway the ILSC.  “I urge you to choose Scriba.  And if you do – if we walk this path together – then I promise you this:  The City of Scriba and the United States will make lemonade drinkers around the world proud.  Some of my finest memories of growing up in Indonesia, I mean Hawaii, are of running my own lemonade stand. Everyone regardless of race, class or creed was welcome at my stand as long as they had a nickel.  If they were too  poor to afford a nickel I simply put a surcharge on my other customers raising the price to a quarter so poor people could drink my lemonade.”

President Obama’s stirring speech had many in the U.S. media in tears.  CNN reported that Obama actually levitated during his talk.

But it was not to be.  Scriba was eliminated on the first round of balloting.  Scriba’s residents were in shock.  Little eight-year old Melanie Johnson who had spent $13.25 of her own money to fund her lemonade stand told reporters, “The President promised!  He promised we’d win.  He’s a bad man” and burst into tears.  “I want my daddy!”

Melanie’s father was dumfounded.  “I don’t understand.  I voted for him.  This is how he repays us?  I knew I should have voted for the chick in the blue pants suit.”

President Obama’s advisers downplayed the results saying that while the President is naturally disappointed it was still an  honor to visit a peace-loving city like Copenhagen.  They also blamed the loss on the “deleterious influence of racists and Fox News.”


1 Comment

One Response

  1. MSNBC reported a national orgasm at the climax of the speech.

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