The approximately 6,999,999,999 people who are not George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States were simultaneously awarded the Nobel Peace Prize today.

“We have given the entire world’s population the prize this year because they all share one thing in common – by not being George W. Bush they advance the cause of worldwide peace and by not being George W.  Bush they have not invaded Iraq” said Thorbjorn Jagland, Chairperson of the Norwegian Nobel Committee.  He then invited all the winners to Oslo for the ceremony.

When he was told that since Norway is a tiny country whose population is only 4.5 million and bringing in 7 billion might cause problems Jagland responded, “So?  Norway has always been a peace loving country that welcomes immigrants of every Northern European race and Protestant Creed.  We are not like the United States.”

From around the globe citizens reacted to winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

In Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe claimed that he was “humbled” by the award and would like to travel personally to Oslo to pick it up but he will be busy that day murdering his political opponents, throwing homosexuals in jail and burning white farmers off their land but definitely “not invading Iraq.”

In Patterson New Jersey, three-year old Melanie Anderson burst into tears and clung to her mother.  “I don’t want to go” she said.  “I don’t like strangers.”  Her mother told reporters that her daughter is “very shy.  But she is happy to win the award since she too didn’t invade Iraq and if she had been in Congress she would have voted against authorizing the invasion like all the Democrats did.”

From his cell in Death Row in Texas, serial murder Dennis Bagwell, who was convicted of murdering his mother, half-sister and his half-sister’s four-year old daughter said that he plans to “bust out of this joint and accept the award personally.  And then I’m going to make Norway my bitch!”  He then apologized on behalf of all Texans for the illegal invasion of Iraq.

The Norwegian Board of Tourism plans to have special “Peace Prize” package tours for all recipients who can bring affidavits stating that they were not responsible for the Iraq War.

(205)