In a stunning turn of events, President Obama’s newly appointed Pay Czar Ken Feinberg was forced to abdicate his position and later was kidnapped by Bolsheviks.

Shortly before 10 A.M. Feinberg, disheartened by the progress of the War in Afghanistan and realizing that his position had become politically untenable, abdicated as the United States’ Pay Czar.  He first attempted to abdicate in favor of his brother who refused the position, leaving America driftless, Pay Czarless for the first time in almost a week.

After resigning Feinberg attempted to flee Washington D.C., fearing turmoil in the streets.  He disguised himself as Santa Claus and got as far as Philadelphia where he was set upon by enraged faction of Anti-Santa locals shouting “kill St. Nick!”

Afraid for his life he blurted out “I am not Santa I am the former Pay Czar”  whereupon he was arrested by a local Bolshevik cell.  He was last seen being placed into the back of a car that was driven away.

An intensive search was started to find Feinberg.  President Obama vowed to make finding his Pay Czar his top priority as soon as he is finished “saying bad things about Fox News.”

An hour later the search for America’s missing Pay Czar came to an end when the following telegram was sent to the White House:

“Pay Czar Feinberg has been executed in the name of the People’s Revolution.  He was just the first.  We intend to kidnap the rest of President Obama’s Czars and execute them.  Then we are going after Yakov Smirnoff.  And, if we have time, maybe the Dave Matthews Band.  And Ringo.  We don’t like him either.”

From the White House President Obama announced that he would be placing all his Czars under protective custody, “especially that pussy Cameron Davis, my Great Lakes Czar.  Yeah, I have a Great Lakes Czar.  Go figure.  When the Hell did that happen?  I like chocolate cookies.  Pop tarts too.”

Ironically after the kidnapping Feinberg, who had just announced pay cuts for top executives, was stricken from the White House Payroll.

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