White House Slams Elementary School Newspaper; Calls it Not a Real News Organization

The White House today slammed unfair coverage by elementary studentsThe Obama Administration today called out the school newspaper of James Buchanan Elementary School in Harrisburg Pennsylvania over what it called “biased and untrue” coverage.

The trouble began when the school newspaper ran a story last week entitled “Obama unfair to school kids: No more soda in the cafeteria.”

Upon  reading the article, President Obama accused the newspaper of “being more like talk radio.  They are presenting opinions not facts.” President Obama also called the 11-year old 5th grader, Mary Johnson, who wrote the article “the leader of the Republican Party.”

During a round of Sunday talk show appearances President Obama stepped up his attacks on Johnson and the school newspaper.

“The Republicans think they can send out their attack dogs like this Johnson fella….I think it’s a fella.  Is it a boy or a girl?  Well the Republicans think they can send out their attack dogs like this Johnson girl to spread lies about this administration.

“The Republicans have got to stop listening to this Johnson girl and move towards the center. I don’t know whether they want to do that.  They seem happy being lead by fringe elements like this school newspaper.

He then announced that reporters from that newspaper will be barred from pool coverage of the White House and that he will seek to revoke their press credentials.

Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs continued the attack during a briefing with reporters.  “I think she’s (Johnson) been dithering.  She’s taken her eye off what matters – getting good grades in Home Economics – and gone on a vicious and unwarranted attack against this administration.  The facts will come out and when they do she will be totally discredited.”

White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel announced that he will travel to Harrisburg where he intends to “cut off Mary Johnson’s pigtails and kick her in the shins a couple times.” 

Faced with continuing pressure the James Buchanan Elementary School announced that the school newspaper will be temporarily shut down while they reevaluate its editorial positions.  They also announced that Mary Johnson will have to stay after school for a week as punishment for her article.

President Obama professed the matter closed saying “I’m not losing any sleep over it.  Look, they clearly weren’t serving my administration.  And by not serving my administration they were not serving the needs of this country.”

Mary Johnson could not be reached for comment though friends say she is almost as upset as last spring when her cat died.


1 Comment

One Response

  1. KingShamus says:

    It’s almost like President Zero doesn’t get the independent news media thing.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>