Browsing the blog archives for August, 2009
In the first of what I hope will be a continuing series of guest commentaries by people in various walks of life I am pleased to present a column by the Honorable Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton: “I’d like thank the Manhattan Infidel for giving me this opportunity to set the record straight about […]
Already facing stiff opposition regarding their health plan Congressional Democrats at town hall meetings now have to explain the “single payer sex plan” buried on page 927 of the bill. The single payer sex plan is predicated on the assumption that people who do not have sex regularly lead to the rise of health care […]
From: The Office of the Secretary of State, Pepperland. To: Mayor Young Fred In accordance with your request I submit this report detailing the recent unfortunate events in Pepperland leading to the attack by the Blue Meanies that resulted in the tragic loss of 35% of our population. First and foremost it must be stated […]
Today it was revealed that British agent James Bond has filed a multimillion dollar sexual harassment suit against one Jane Moneypenny, a secretary for Britain’s MI6 intelligence agency. Bond has also named “M”, the leader of MI6 as well as the agency itself, claiming a “culture of harassment” in the institution. In the suit Bond […]
One day after their 7-game winning streak was snapped by those Canadian ingrates, I returned to Yankee Stadium. The Yankees started Joba Chamberlain (which Joba would show up, the good dominating Joba or the “evil walks the entire order” Joba) while the Blue Jays countered with Scott Richmond who has lost three of his last […]
After sweeping the Red Sox (Bahstahn sawks cack!) the Yankees faced intradivision rival the Toronto Blue Jays. And as was bound to happen after sweeping the Red Sox the Yankees lost. Well you have to expect that. Sweeping the Red Sox is like hardcore sex with a sleazy prostitute. It’s fun. It’s exciting. It’s illicit […]
In a stunning turn of events it has been revealed that Paradise has run out of virgins. Kalif Shiek Ali, Director of Virgin Recruitment in Paradise made the announcement at a heavily attended press conference. “Look, our first priority has always been the comfort of our suicide bombers” a harried Ali said. “And virgins seem […]
“I hold in my hand peace in our time” Neville Chamberlain, 1938 “I am 100% not guilty!” O.J. Simpson, 1995 “I don’t know how I tested positive!” David Ortiz, 2009 There you have three leading examples of perfidy in modern times. All lead to disaster. Hopefully the last one for the long term prospects of […]
The standoff between the Keebler Elves, squatters who live in trees and local authorities continues to get more heated, with each side accusing the other of “bullying tactics.” The Keeblers, a family of little people have hollowed out several trees in a protected forest preserve and have set up an illegal cookie making factory. “Not […]
J.K. Rowling’s much anticipated new book, “Harry Potter and the Order of the Dominatrix” will be released tomorrow. According to Rowling, the new book will focus on Harry’s experiences as a young adult. “I want to take the series in a new direction. He’s an adult now. He’s left Hogwart’s school and moves to the […]