Browsing the blog archives for August, 2009
With the mourning for Senator Kennedy officially over the search has begun for his replacement in the Senate. Given that any candidate to replace Ted Kennedy would have to continue his legacy sources say the search has focused primarily on someone who is tragically flawed in character with a history of binge drinking and/or sexual […]
The U.S. House of Representatives announced today that it will be leaving Washington D.C. after the 2010 legislative session. Lorraine C. Miller, Clerk of the House of Representatives announced that due to declining revenue from ticket sales and lack of corporate sponsorship they will move to Las Vegas. “We really had no choice. D.C. had […]
Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) has died. Edward Kennedy, the last surviving son of Joe Kennedy died at approximately 3:30 in the morning surrounded by his family. Immediately after his death Senator Kennedy attempted to reach Heaven but was repeatedly rebuffed by strong currents and dark, cold, muddy waters. Exhausted by his efforts to reach Heaven, […]
For over 30 years the mystery of what was on the 18 1/2 minute gap in one of President Richard Nixon’s Watergate tapes has fascinated researchers, biographers and anyone interested in the scandal that brought down a President. Now finally we may know. Using the latest technology scientists […]
President Obama today started his summer vacation in Martha’s Vineyard by holding a press conference where he pleaded with the press to respect his family’s privacy. “I don’t want you people in the press to get any ideas. I’m just a typical American having a typical vacation. It’s summer time and like all Americans I […]
Building on the momentum from their recent pardon of convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, Scotland announced that they are pardoning everyone in the world. Scottish Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill made the announcement today. “In the name of the Scottish people I hereby pardon everyone for every offense they may have committed.” When asked why […]
Many people criticize my hard-hitting investigative journalism, claiming that I “make the whole thing up.” Others say “Poor Manhattan Infidel. He’s off his meds again.” Still others say “Manhattan Infidel, put your pants back on.” Well, I now present evidence of my journalistic abilities. First, a link from my site dated May 21st 2009: […]
Tuesday August 26th 2040 Legendary NFL quarterback Brett Favre announced today that he will be unretiring for the 32nd time. After playing with every franchise in the league, the 70-year old Favre has signed with the Sea of Tranquility Titans of the new NFL Moon League. Favre, who announced his retirement on May 13th from […]
In a surprise move, The Borg Collective have assimilated TimeWarner. The Borg Collective, a race of cybernetically enhanced humanoid drones of various species run by a collective “hive mind” orchestrated a hostile takeover of Time Warner, the third largest media and entertainment conglomerate in the world. At 9 A.M. TimeWarner employees were herded into a […]
The image in indelibly ingrained into the American consciousness: Sheriff Will Kane courageously defends himself against Frank Miller who was bent on revenge after Kane sent him to prison. Now retired and living comfortably in Tampa, Florida Sheriff Will Kane has decided to break his silence and finally speak on the events, in the process […]