Browsing the blog archives for July, 2009

Beer Summit Ends in Chaos

The eyes of a restless nation turned to the “Beer Summit” hoping that at long last racial healing would come to America.  Instead, mortified they watched as Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge Police Department arrested a drunk and disorderly Henry Louis Gates as President Obama looked on. Things appeared to get off to a […]


30th Anniversary of Carter’s “Malaise” Speech Greeted With Ambiguous Feeling of Mental and Moral Depression

The 30th anniversary of President Jimmy Carter’s famous “Malaise” speech was greeted with feelings of unease, discomfort,  and indifference. Many Americans who were alive then and watched the speech on TV when asked about the anniversary responded with “I dunno.  I don’t care“, “I would celebrate but my antidepressants sap my energy” and “I’m scared […]

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Breakfast Cereal Mascots Go on Strike

“2…..4…..6……8…..General Mills is filled with hate!”  chants rag through the air.  Dozens of breakfast cereal mascots braved the rain as they marched with their placards.  This was the 15th day of the strike of mascot local #5 with no end in sight.  Already there has been violence. “Some management goons came over and poured milk […]

How to Survive a Bear Attack!

With the recent spate of bear attacks against humans, and having come across a bear or two during my hikes, I’d like to share a few tips on what to do and what not to do when encountering a bear.  First, what not to do. Last year, two female hikers in the Sierra Nevadas were […]

Tweets Throughout History

The social networking and blogging system Twitter has become a worldwide phenomenon.  What many do not know is that is it not a new one.  Indeed, archeologists are discovering evidence of “tweets” throughout time.  Many historical figures have Twittered, giving scholars valuable insight heretofore unknown.  This tweet from 20,000 B.C.E  from “Grog0266” is the earliest […]

Swiss Suicide Clinic Aims for Repeat Business

Tucked in the hills near Zurich, Switzerland,  a local suicide clinic has bet all on an ambitious marketing plan. “Come for the suicide; stay for the cryogenic freezing.  When you’re ready we unfreeze you and let you commit suicide again.  Two suicides for the price of one!” The controversial slogan first began appearing on billboards […]

Manhattanhenge Festival Marred by Injury to Popular 3rd Avenue Bar Owner

Manhattanhenge, the twice yearly phenomenon where the setting of the sun aligns precisely with the  28.9 degree offset from true east-west of New York’s streets was marred by the injury and subsequent hospitalization of a popular 3rd Avenue bar owner. “I was over by the  jukebox talking to one of my regular customers and he […]

Black and White Cookie Admits “Relations Are Tense”

The popular black and white cookie seen in delis everywhere admitted that there are problems in its relationship. From his home in the Village, the white portion of the cookie said, “We don’t talk to each other that much.  What would we talk about?  We have nothing in common.  Whenever I do try to talk […]

World’s Ugliest Japanese Man Hits Walk Off Home Run; God to Smite Dave Matthews

In the bottom of the ninth Hideki Matsui hit a walk off home run giving the Yankees their third straight 2-1 victory.  Moments after that God promised me that he would smite Dave Matthews from the face of the Earth.  But more on that later. Tonight I went to see the Yankees play the Baltimore […]

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Yankees, Old Timer’s Day and ’70s Porn

Would the Yankees start the second half with a sweep of  potential wild card rivals the Detroit Tigers?  Would Joba “The native american who cannot win at Yankee Stadium” Chamberlain prove his detractors wrong and finally win at home?  Would the Manhattan Infidel visit the Beers of the World Court on the main level?  These […]

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