Tweets Throughout History

Twitter Twitter Twitter!The social networking and blogging system Twitter has become a worldwide phenomenon.  What many do not know is that is it not a new one.  Indeed, archeologists are discovering evidence of “tweets” throughout time.  Many historical figures have Twittered, giving scholars valuable insight heretofore unknown.  This tweet from 20,000 B.C.E  from “Grog0266” is the earliest recorded one:

“Gorgak think he big.  Invent wheel.  Me sleep with gorgak’s wife.”

In 480 B.C.E. King Leonidas twittered, “What’s up dudes?  I’m slaughtering Persians and looking bitchin’ doing it.”

From 44 B.C.E Julius Caesar’s tweet reads, “Ides of March here. Still alive.  Hey, there’s Brutus.  Safe around good friends.”

However it was Jesus who first took Twittering to a new level, letting his close group of followers into the minutia of his life.  Some of his existing tweets include, “Met a demon called ‘Legion.’  What a swine”, “Water into wine.  Rinse and repeat”, “Meet me on the Mount.  Will give speech” and “Having supper.  Has anyone seen Judas?”

In 375 C.E. Augustine of Hippo twittered, “Going to Carthage.  The women there are wild!”

After the fall of the Roman Empire, Twittering remained dormant until the time of the American Revolution.  From Philadelphia in 1776 John Adams tweeted, “Hot as Hell. Jefferson too busy getting slave nookie to write damn Declaration.”

George Washington let his friends know that he was “Crossing the Delaware.  Very cold and my teeth hurt. But at least I’m not in Philadelphia anymore.”

In 1814 James Madison twittered, “The British are burning Washington D.C.  to the ground.  Other than that I still hate them.”

Twittering was very popular during the American Civil War.  In May 1864 Ulysses S. Grant’s tweet read, “What happened during the battle yesterday?  I was sooooo wasted.”

At Little Big Horn in 1876, Custer had time to tweet, “Having a slight battle here but expect to get out of it alright. Ouch, arrow through the groin.  Damn that stings.”

In August 1921 Eamon De Valera twittered to his good friend Michael Collins, “Great news.  The British want a cease fire.  I think all our problems are over!”

In 1942 FDR told his friends, “Saw Churchill naked.  I haven’t been so upset since I lost the use of my legs.”

And finally in 1972 Richard Nixon twittered to G. Gordon Liddy, “Burglary of Watergate Hotel is on.  P.S.  Make sure to add Joe Namath to my enemies list.”

The 2nd volume of historical tweets, covering the years from 1972 to the present is expected to be released in the Fall but already there is much buzz over one leaked twitter from 1991 from Dan Quayle to President Bush, “What the hell do you mean there is no ‘e’ in Potatoe!’


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