Browsing the blog archives for June, 2009
Today a straight razor admitted that he is bi-curious. “I don’t know how long I’ve had these feelings” he admitted. “All I know is I can no longer in good faith call myself a straight razor.” In a bizarre and hastily-called press conference the razor went into detail about his life and the many changes […]
Famous French skunk Pepe Le Pew has been sued. The plaintiff, Penelope Pussycat filed the lawsuit in District Court today. The National Organization for Women has filed an amicus curiae brief regarding this case. According to those familiar with the case, Penelope Pussycat had previously filed a restraining order against Le Pew banning him from […]
Apple, following up on the success of its iPhone has introduced the iCondom. In a heavily-attended press conference, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the latest revolutionary product. Holding the iCondom in his hand, Jobs told assembled reporters that the “iCondom will make life dramatically simpler and more enjoyable for people around the world.” “Everyone wants […]
Today Al Gore gave a speech where he once again warned of the deleterious effects of global warming. After speaking for 2 hours about greenhouse gas and rising seas Mr. Gore took his speech to a new level by bringing a small child to the stage. “I realize that many criticize my findings and ask […]
Putting an end to decades of controversy, a leading scientist today announced that she has definitively found the reason glaciers retreated during the last ice age in North America. “I have uncovered shocking new evidence that the retreat of the glaciers was not an orderly thing. It appears to be hurried and downright panicky. There […]
When the Hubble Telescope was launched scientists hoped that it would be able to peer into the farthest reaches of space and make many discoveries. But what Hubble has most recently found has astonished even the most jaded of scientists. Christopher Scolese, Associate Administrator of NASA said “We were hoping to find dark matter, strong […]
Today’s scheduled conflict management seminar has been cancelled due to the untimely hospitalization of its instructor as well as most of the class. The seminar was to have met at 6:00 PM when it was discovered that another group, “Citizens for Peaceful Coexistence” had also scheduled a meeting at the same time in the same […]
With the trial of Fred Flintstone set to begin in a couple weeks, lawyers for both sides are frustrated by the inability to find 12 impartial jurors to decide his fate. “Everybody has an opinion about Flintstone’s guilt. It would be crazy to pretend otherwise” says the District Attorney. “The first day we had 500 […]
Today several Canadian Geese testified at an F.A.A. hearing investigating the recent spate of bird strikes on commercial airliners. One after the other geese declared their innocence and stated that their only desire was to live in peace. Several geese also mentioned that they have migrated to the United States for much the same reason […]
Coming off a 15 – 0 public spanking of the other team that plays within the confines of the 5 boroughs the Yankees (aka “The Forces of Truth and Justice”) welcomed the Washington Nationals for a 3 game set. Now why Washington ever got a 3rd franchise I’ll never know. The original Washington Senators moved […]