Today a straight razor admitted that he is bi-curious.

“I don’t know how long I’ve had these feelings” he admitted.  “All I know is I can no longer in good faith call myself a straight razor.”

In a bizarre and hastily-called press conference the razor went into detail about his life and the many changes he has dealt with.  For years the razor had led a normal existence and every morning would be available to provide a close, smooth shave.  Then, last Thursday the straight razor went missing.  Rumors abounded that perhaps he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail or driving along the coast or even in South America having a steamy affair with an Argentinian woman.  But the truth was something no one had ever expected.  For the past 5 days the razor had been living in a time share on Fire Island with a Filipino  named “Jesse” and his 2 cats.

“I have known Jesse for a couple years. We used to communicate through email and one thing lead to another.  He invited me out to the Island.   I was deathly afraid of what might happen but I was drawn to him.”

The razor went on to describe 4 “blissful” days reading John Cheever novels, watching Tom Cruise movies and talking for what “seemed like forever.”

“We talked about everything.  Politics, religion.  Yes, even sex.  I had never opened up to another person like this.  When he touched my satin handle I felt all inhibitions leave me.  I felt free for the first time in my life.”

The razor went on to stress that nothing happened physically.

“There were opportunities.  We hiked in the woods.  We went antiquing.  We showered together and he dried me off so that I would not rust.  But I wanted to take things slow.”

The razor went on to apologize to his friends, family and anyone who had used him to shave their face.

“I realize that people may feel that I was not honest with them.  I understand their concerns and ask forgiveness.”

The razor then closed by saying that he will be going back out to the Island “as soon as possible to spend more time with Jesse and possibly bump into George Takei.  Who knows?”  

The previous owner of the razor, when informed of today’s events told reporters, “Yeah…..I think I’m going to grow a beard.”

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