James Bond Sues Miss Moneypenny for Sexual Harassment

James Bond just wants some respectToday it was revealed that British agent James Bond has filed a multimillion dollar sexual harassment suit against one Jane Moneypenny, a secretary for Britain’s MI6 intelligence agency.  Bond has also named “M”, the leader of MI6 as well as the agency itself, claiming a “culture  of harassment” in the institution.

In the suit Bond claims emotional damages as a result of Miss Moneypenny’s repeated sexual harassment.

“I find myself unable to do my job.  I am a dedicated and decorated officer in Her Majesty’s service.  I fight for the Queen and against our enemies.  I often find myself in harm’s way.  I have been shot at, had lasers pointed at my testicles, had a large man with steel teeth try to kill me.  Yet all Miss Moneypenny cares about is that I look good in a tux and have ripped abs.”

Bond claims that after returning from dangerous missions where his life was in jeopardy Miss Moneypenny would bombard him with text messages like “When are we going to get married”  and “You look fantastic.  Take me out to dinner.”  Bond also claims that Moneypenny has sent emails to him of a suggestive nature, such as one of her in her evening gown with the caption, “Do you want this?”

Bond claims that as a result of this harassment he has had to go to a psychiatrist and has frequent nightmares.

“Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat and start to cry.  She has made my life a living Hell.  I am a man and demand the respect I deserve.”

Bond further claims that he has complained to his superiors about Miss Moneypenny’s actions but was told to keep quiet.

“Upon filing a written complaint against her I was called into ‘M’s’ office and told that I should stop causing trouble and rocking the boat.  M ripped up my complaint and told me to forget about it. He said that Miss Moneypenny was the best damn secretary he’s ever had and he can’t afford to lose her. He also winked at me and said ‘C’mon.  Enjoy it.  We are the eye candy here.’ ”

Bond, in addition to seeking restitution in the form of monetary damages also wants changes in the culture at MI6.  As Bond says in the suit, “I am not eye candy.  I am a professional.  The Sorority House atmosphere at MI6 has to stop.  The workplace should be a ‘respect zone’ where men such as I can go to work and not worry about unwanted advances.”

Through their lawyers Miss Moneypenny and “M” had no comment.


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