Yankees Return to Winning Ways; Canada Spared Nuclear Holocaust

Yankees celebrate another meaningless winOne day after their 7-game winning streak was snapped by those Canadian ingrates, I returned to Yankee Stadium.

The Yankees started  Joba Chamberlain (which Joba would show up, the good dominating Joba or the “evil walks the entire order” Joba) while the Blue Jays countered with Scott Richmond who has lost three of his last four decisions.  Just the type of pitcher who can blank the Yankees.

It looked at first as if the good Joba had showed up.  He got out of the first without giving up a run or walking anybody.  the Yankees scored in the bottom of the first after Derek “Doesn’t everybody date supermodels?” Jeter lead off with a single, followed by a Johnny Damon double and a Mark Teixeira single.  2-0 Yankees after one inning.  The Yankees scored again in the bottom of the 2nd when Robinson Cano lead off with a double, reached 3rd on a balk and scored on a Melky Cabrera sacrifice fly.  3-0 Yankees after 2.

So far the good Joba had shown up, striking out 2 and allowing only one hit.  But in the top of the 3rd the evil Joba arrived.  Lyle Overbay hit a bases clearing double.  3-3 after three innings.

And here’s where things got dicey.  Toronto starter Richmond did not allow a hit from the 2nd inning on.  Toronto DH Randy Ruiz (say that fast 10 times) hit a home run in the top of the 4th.  4-3 Toronto after 4.  And so the score stayed that way until both starting pitchers were relieved.  Joba lasted 6 innings giving up 5 hits and 4 runs while striking out 5.  He did not get the win.  Richmond lasted 6 as well giving up 3 runs and striking out eight.

I was beginning to think the Yankees were going to lose again and had already called in an air strike against Ottawa when the Yankees exploded with back-to-back jacks in the 8th from Hideki Matsui and Jorge Posada.  There was some controversy as Posada’s home run had to be reviewed.  Fortunately the umpires saved the Yankee fans the effort of beating them up by making the right call and allowing the home run.  The Yankees tacked on two more runs as Hairston and Cabrera scored.  Yankees 7 Toronto 4 after  eight.

Mariano “I am not sleeping with Kim Jones” Rivera was brought in for the 9th.  He made it interesting, giving up a home run to Toronto 3rd baseman Edwin Encarnacion but he was able to hold on for the save.  Final score:  Yankees 7  Toronto 5.

Notes on the game:

The Men’s rooms in the lower level have privacy dividers between the urinals and motion activated sinks.  (Just put your hands under and let the water flow.)  The Men’s rooms by the bleachers have no privacy dividers and you have to get your water the old fashioned way – push down on the faucet.  I’m not sure what the Yankees are trying to tell us.

Behind me in the bleachers I had to listen to a couple argue the entire game as their bratty kids fought.  People, it’s like I always say:  reproduction of the species is bad!  I finally had enough and bought the kids a few beers.  Hey, starting them on the road to addiction was the least I can do.

Watching Mark Teixeira run the basepaths gives me the same sinking feeling I get watching Jack Bauer on “24” tell someone they have his word.  No good can come from this and someone is probably going to die.

Reader mail:

Thomas Aquinas writes “The emission of semen then ought to be so directed as that both the proper generation may ensue and the education of offspring be secured.”

People I can’t stress this enough.  Please confine your comments to baseball.

Thomas Aquinas also writes “Go Yankees.  But the DH has to go.”

We’ll discuss the DH at another time.  But much better on the email Thomas.

Gregory of Nazianzus writes, “This body when it is doing well makes war on me and when it is oppressed it grieves me.”

One word:  Pilates.

D.B. of Mt. Holly New Jersey writes “I am writing this using a laser guided pen as my arms and legs were missing when I woke up this morning.  This crap has to stop.”

Ah New Jersey!

P.M of London England writes “I was talking to an eskimo said he was hoping for a Fall of snow when up popped a sea lion ready to go.”

Again, confine comments to baseball.

A.P of Poughkeepsie New York writes “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.  I’m going to  a town hall meeting!”

Obviously a right wing Republican plant as dissent is now unpatriotic.

M.W. of California writes “I am going to Las Vegas to celebrate my birthday.  Is it true that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?”

Absolutely.  Do not worry about the security cameras.  They are just for show.  And don’t worry about any videos from those cameras being uploaded onto YouTube.  I will not watch any of them.  Especially the one with you dancing on top of a bar.

R.L also of California writes “Sex is fantastic!”

I thought I told you to stay away from your students.

Anyway, my record this year stands at 10-2.  My next Yankee game is Monday September 7th against potential wild card winner the Tampa Bay Rays.

Go Yankees!



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