In the first of what I hope will be a continuing series of guest commentaries by people in various walks of life I am pleased to present a column by the Honorable Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton:

“I’d like thank the Manhattan Infidel for giving me this opportunity to set the record straight about certain falsehoods that have sprung up lately about me.

“First and foremost I’d like to say that I am in no way a ‘marginalized’ Secretary of State.  I am still an important and vital part of this Administration.  I have the full confidence of President Obama.  Why just the other day I was discussing with him how to bring peace to the Middle East and he said ‘That’s fascinating.  I appreciate and value your input.  How would you like to visit the Congo?’  Why else would he shuffle me off to some remote corner of the world away from the action unless he trusted me and knew that even 1000 miles away from Jerusalem I could still broker peace?

“And it’s not just the Middle East where I play a role.  While I was in the Congo President Obama called me and told me I was heading to Antarctica.  Permanently.  At first I was a little taken aback by this but he explained to me that I would not do much good in Washington but if I were to be based in Antarctica I would be able to use our military planes on that continent to fly to trouble spots  around the world at a moment’s notice.  Well, eventually.  First President Obama wants me to spend a month in Antarctica studying penguins and having my picture taken with them.  You see, our President cares about the environment and wildlife and is obviously concerned that the crisis of global warming is having a deleterious effect on penguins. 

“My husband Bill likes that I will be in the South Pole as well.  When I told him that I’d be stationed there he told me ‘I know.  I was the one who suggested it.’  I haven’t had a chance to talk to him since then as he had to celebrate his birthday for a couple of days.

“Secondly, President Obama will be sending me on an important peace mission.  I am pleased to announce that he has chosen me, not one of his so-called Czars, to travel to Deep Space Nine to negotiate between warring Cardassians and Bajorans.  I am not familiar with the conflict nor where Deep Space Nine is exactly but I assume it’s in Central Europe. You see, all  peoples of the world are important to this President.  When he called me up and told me that I’d be going to Deep Space Nine  to negotiate with someone called Gul Dukat he kept breaking into laughter.  Probably he was giddy at the thought of bringing peace to a war-torn region.

“Thirdly President Obama has informed me that as long as he is President of the United States I will be the guest of honor at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade as well as the Rose Bowl Parade.  He told me ‘I want to see my Secretary of State on television.’  He was laughing as he said this.  Again, probably because he was happy and justifiably proud at the thought that his Administration will be the first to have its cabinet members accessible to the public in such an unprecedented manner.

“Now if you’ll excuse me I have to read up on penguins.  Did you know that penguin couples spend their lives apart from one another and only meet once a year?  When I told my husband Bill this he started screaming ‘Yes….Yes….oh God yes.  Now that’s what I’m talking about!’  Probably because he was so happy that I am doing my job so well.”

Thank you Madame Secretary of State for taking time out of your busy schedule to honor me with a column – The Manhattan Infidel.

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