America demands gender fluid zombies!

Producers of AMC’s hit show “The Walking Dead” have announced that the upcoming season will feature a story line with transsexual zombies.

“I’m a rich, powerful Hollywood producer” said one of the show runners.

And being a rich, powerful Hollywood producer means one thing: I have my finger on the pulse of middle America. And what middle America wants is more transsexuals! They can’t get enough transsexuals. In fact I’m starting an new all transgender cable channel. I do this because it’s the right thing to do. And as I mentioned before I have my finger on the pulse of middle America. I also have my finger up my secretary’s ass but that’s a different cable channel.

In season eight Rick and his band of survivors meet a group of transgender walkers. At first Rick wants to kill them (being a white male of northern European origin he is naturally prone to violence) but, touched by the outcast status of the transgendered, he has a change of heart.

Even after one of the transgendered walkers eats his son Rick refuses to kill.

In a speech that has been called pivotal Rick looks out at his new transgendered allies and throws down his gun.

“I used to ask people how many they have killed” says Rick.

But I know now that was the remnants of the pre-apocalyptic patriarchy inside me that was speaking. Having met these transgendered walkers I am touched by their struggle. All they want to do is be accepted for who they are. And use the bathroom of their choice. Is that too much to ask of the undead? My conscience has been purified. What has happened to the world the past few years is the price we have to pay for patriarchy, misogyny and white supremacy. Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of the undead apocalypse may speedily pass away. Yet, if God, who doesn’t exist but if he does hates patriarchy, misogyny and white supremacy as well, wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the prejudice against walkers shall be sunk, and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with Daryl’s crossbow, as was said three thousand years ago, so still it must be said “the judgments of the Lord, who hates patriarchy, misogyny and white supremacy are true and righteous altogether.”

In the transgendered story arc Rick teams up with the transsexual walkers to fight Negan.

“Negan represents the patriarchy” said the show runner.

As such he must lose and lose badly. But not before being shamed by the moral superiority of the transsexual walkers. Yes I know this takes our show in a whole different direction but as I mentioned before I have my pulse on the finger of middle America and what they want are more social justice messages in their entertainment.

“It’s all about having your finger on the pulse” he continued.

“That’s how you get an edge in this business. I also have my finger up the Chinese delivery boy’s ass. But that’s a story for another day.”

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