Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel (“The most trusted name in making shit up™”) I have the pleasure of interviewing famous cereal mascot Frankenberry.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Frankenberry
FB: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. It’s a pleasure to be interviewed by you.
MI: I don’t know. The last guy I interviewed was pretty cranky. Then again he just had his balls crushed.
MI: Not by me. You’re safe.
FB: Frankenberry likes his balls uncrushed. Frankenberry has to please his many female fans.
MI: Right. Your female fans.
FB: What are you implying?
MI: Nothing. It’s just that the top of your face looks like an ass, you dress in pink and you wear Elton John-style glasses.
FB: I don’t want to talk about this subject. Let’s move along.
MI: Wow. Cranky. Are you sure your balls haven’t been crushed?
FB: No. Now what did you want to talk to me about?
MI: You’re a world-famous cereal mascot. What is your relationship like with the other two mascots, Count Chocula and BooBerry?
FB: It’s one of profound professional respect. We see each other on the convention circuits.
MI: Profound professional respect?
FB: Yes. Absolutely. With both of them.
FB: Alright BooBerry’s a bitch. The f*cking loser. But I’m cool with Count Chocula.
MI: Good to hear. Let’s talk about the pink poo controversy. You sometimes turn the poop of kids who eat your cereal pink.
FB: We’ve addressed that and it has been fixed. Besides the kids didn’t mind. They thought it was funny. It’s the parents who freaked. Parents are always freaking. Sometimes they can be bigger bitches than BooBerry.
BB: I heard that! I’m telling Count Chocula!
FB: Like I said, a real bitch.
[Frankenberry notices a statue behind Manhattan Infidel]
FB: What’s that?
MI: Oh that? That’s an award I won for being the most trusted name in Only Slightly Less Implausible Shit Than the MSM Features Every Night™.
FB: May I?
MI: Sure. Just be careful the statue is heavy.
[Manhattan Infidel hands the statue to Frankenberry who proceeds to drop it on his balls]
FB: Oh god my balls. They’re crushed. My beautiful balls that I use to satisfy an exclusively female fan base.
MI: Yeah give it a rest.
FB: My balls! What am I going to do with my crushed balls?
MI: You’re in luck. That happened to the last guy I interviewed. We have to keep your balls elevated. Do you have a pulley?
FB: What? No.
MI:What about a lathe? Look around you. Are there any tools we can use to construct a rudimentary lathe?
FB: Don’t touch my balls! I’m calling an ambulance! My balls! My balls! My kingdom for some uncrushed balls!
[Frankenberry runs out of the building]
MI: Oh there’s my lathe. Wait, come back! I have a lathe!
Frankenberry was very emotional. You know I’m not sure it’s BooBerry who is the bitch.