The Motion Picture Association of America (“MPAA“) and presumptive 2020 Democratic Presidential nominee Chelsea Clinton have announced that they will be implementing a new ratings system for all movies.
“We’ve been wanting to update our archaic and non-gender based system for years” said MPAA president, former senator Chris Dodd.
G, PG, PG-13, R, X? What do these mean? Absolutely nothing for people looking for movies that smash gender stereotypes. Let me give you a personal example. As a lover of hard core porn I was streaming a video called “Trannie Cheerleaders.” While I enjoyed the depiction of transsexual cheerleader sex in the end I was disappointed for two reasons: One: While the cheerleaders did have penises the bourgeois gender construct was dominant. And secondly my wife walked in while I was streaming it. She still isn’t talking to me. But anyway back to my point. our current movie rating system is ill-suited for people who go to movies solely to see bourgeois gender roles smashed.
Presumptive 2020 Democratic Presidential nominee Chelsea Clinton then followed up with some remarks of her own.
“I have accomplished so much in my life” said the future president.
Daughter of a President. Daughter of a senator. Daughter of a secretary of State. Part-time correspondent for NBC News. 2020 Presidential nominee. But there is one thing that I haven’t done: Change our ratings system. Let me give you an example. When in college I would often rent hard core porn and take it home to watch. Inevitably I would be disappointed for two reasons: No mention of gender roles on the package and two, the Secret Service insisted on watching with me. I vowed then that when I had a chance I would change our movie rating system to explicitly reference gender roles. I can do this because I’m Chelsea Clinton and I have accomplished so much in my life.
The porn-loving duo then unveiled the new rating system:
(Disney Movie with Conventional Gender Roles Not Suitable For Children), These films will be restricted and no child under 13 will be allowed to watch it because of its offensive gender stereotypes.
(Some Gender Role Swapping But Pretty Conventional). Children under 13 shall be allowed to watch this movie only if accompanied by a progressive social justice warrior adult who can answer any questions the child may have about role play.
(Cinemax levels of nudity but otherwise pretty conventional). These movies shall be open to all children. An adult social justice warrior chaperone is encouraged but not necessary.
(Trannie cheerleader sex). These movies do smash some stereotypes as the women all have penises. But again some gender roles are conventional. Children are encouraged to see these movies.
(Trannie ball busting sex holy smokes what did I just see I hope my wife doesn’t walk in on me she wouldn’t understand I’m just curious about smashing the gender glass ceiling). This ratings system was personally lobbied for by Chris Dodd. These movies will be mandatory for children.
(It has the Adam Sandler in it so it probably sucks). Self explanatory.
The new ratings system will take effect in January 2021, just in time for Chelsea Clinton’s swearing in ceremony.