Prince William will succeed me as he stands a better chance of not being killed by the Religion of Peace™

When I walk around New York City I am often stopped by people who ask me if I think de Blasio is as big an asshole as they do if I am as worried as they are about the British line of succession. Well worry no more. Queen Elizabeth has formally announced that William and Kate shall become King and Queen, bypassing her son Prince Charles (pictured here).

Prince Charles is not happy about being passed over

“The Queen felt that William and Kate had the star power necessary to save the Monarchy” said a source close to the Queen.

The Queen realizes that the House of Windsor no longer has the respect that it once had. She blames Prince Charles for this. With his divorce from Lady Diana and then his cavorting with Camilla he has proven unfit to wear the crown.

However many feel that the Queen chose William and Kate for a different reason.

“She realizes that England shall soon be a Muslim nation and sharia law will be the law of the land” said a top official in the British government.

She feels that Prince Charles is too old and makes an easy target for someone driving a car on the sidewalk.  William and Kate are younger, more athletic and faster. My god have you seen Kate’s calf muscles? Those two will be able to react in time and dive out of of the way should a member of the Religion of Peace™ find themselves driving into a crowd of pedestrians. Naturally this is not a reflection upon Islam. We have many Muslims in this country and some of them do not kill us. 

Still others feel that Prince Charles was passed over because of “aesthetic differences.”

“It is well known in Buckingham Palace that the Queen loves Guns and Roses” said a Palace insider.

She has a poster of Axl Rose over her bed and thinks he is quite sexy. Prince Charles on the other hand prefers Madonna. I remember one time during dinner Charles said “Mummy would you like to do the Vogue with me?”  The Queen just put her head in her hands and waited for him to leave the dinner table. When he finally did she turned to me and said “I can have him killed you know.” I persuaded her not to as that would cause a constitutional crisis.

The announcement of the line of succession has caused a rift between Prince Charles and his mother with reports of tension in the Palace. Indeed Prince Charles has rarely been seen in public.

“Prince Charles is naturally disappointed but still loves his mother” said an aide to the Prince.

But being English he can’t show that his pride is hurt. Stiff upper lip and all that you know. So he is going to work off his frustration the only way we know how: He is going to lead an expeditionary force to invade Ireland and take it for the Crown.

“If I can do to Ireland what Cromwell did to it maybe mummy will love me again” said the bypassed Prince.

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