My Exclusive Interview With Lena Dunham

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What did you just say? I heard that!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing Lena Dunham, star of the critically acclaimed no one watches the piece of shit show “Girls”.  Miss Dunham is also known for shaming middle class airline employees who were having a private conversation she deemed unprogressive.

MI:  Good afternoon Miss Dunham.

LD: Don’t call me Miss. Miss is a term invented by the patriarchy to slut shame single women.

MI: If you insist. What would you prefer to be called?

LD: Zizzhefemmacaltfluid. I believe this accurately describes my gender.

MI: [Under his breath] I though big fat f*ck more accurately described your gender.

LD: What? What was that?  Did you just make a transphobic statement?

MI: No. I called you a big, fat f*ck and your big, fat, f*ckism was the result of poor impulse control and shitty lifestyle choices but I did not make a transphobic comment. 

LD: Are you sure? I will not tolerate transphobia. I recently turned in some airline employees who expressed transphobic thought.

MI: No. I called you a talentless, lying piece of shit hack, the product of upper west side private boarding schools who’s never had to work an honest day in her soft, privileged life.

LD: All I’m hearing are transphobic insults. I may still have a vagina but I think transphobic comments such as yours reflect badly upon yourself. At this moment in history we should be teaching love and inclusivity. And because I feel deeply about love and inclusivity I will now shame you on social media and try to get you fired, you transphobic hater!

MI: You’re not you when you’re hungry. Have a Snickers bar. Or a hundred Snickers bars.

[A truck offloads thousands of Snickers bars in front of Dunham]

LD:  [Grabbing handfuls of Snickers bars and shoving them into her mouth] I should really get back to shaming you on social media for your transphobic views but these Snickers are so delicious.

MI: So let me get this straight.  

LD: Straight? That’s another transphobic statement.

MI: Let’s see if I have you correct. You believe in love and inclusivity but you will threaten anyone’s livelihood who expresses an opinion you disagree with?

LD: Yes. I believe it is our duty as Americans living in a free country to report opinions that are not sufficiently progressive and love-filled.

MI: Makes perfect sense to me.

LD: I seem to have eaten all your Snickers bars. Do you have any more?

MI: I’m afraid I’m all out.

LD: Oh. [Pause] Is that your cat?

MI: Yes, why?

LD: Did you raise your cat to be gender neutral?

MI: No. 

LD: Why not? You might be raising a transphobic cat. Does she not appreciate that gender is fluid?

MI:I  doubt that.

LD: Can I eat your cat?

MI: No.

LD: Here kitty kitty. She looks just like a Snickers bar.

MI: Get away from my cat!

[Manhattan Infidel gets a cattle prod and uses it to stun Lena Dunham]

LD: Is that a transphobic cattle prod?

And so ended my interview with the fat as f*ck snitch Lena Dunham. Beware America. Miss Dunham, much like the NSA, is listening to your conversations and will punish you if you express incorrect thoughts.

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3 Comments

3 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Top interview!

    Dunham is, of course, a Clay Golem. Search it up on Google.

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