Browsing the blog archives for September, 2016
Soylent Green Ltd, makers of delicious and organic Soylent Green have announced that starting immediately all Soylent Green will be grown in “100 percent free-range conditions.” “We have heard the protests of the animal rights activists” said Soylent Green Ltd’s CEO It is true our Soylent Green has been grown in factories. Human coops actually. […]
The United Nations convened an emergency session today after the rogue and isolated island nation of Gilligan successfully test fired a nuclear missile. The Secretary General of the UN, Ban Ki-moon has said that any further acts of belligerence on the part of Gilligan’s Island will result in “sanctions and world condemnation.” From Martha’s Vineyard […]
Hoping to overcome negative publicity after she collapsed at the 9/11 memorial, Hillary Clinton has gone on “Operation Physical Prowess” to prove to detractors that she has the stamina to be president. As part of the new public relations campaign, supporters of Mrs. Clinton were asked to bring small children to a campaign event for […]
Tommy, a five year old student in Mrs. Louise Kaplan’s kindergarten class, has been suspended from school for refusing to participate in the mandatory nap time. “All the children had their heads on the desk and were prepared to nap but not Tommy” she said. Instead he looked at me and said, “Tommy ain’t gonna […]
Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, Chief of Security and Chief Tactical Officer for the Starship Voyager has been named “The Most Boring Vulcan” by the editors of Vulcan Life. “Tuvok has consistently shown the ability to put inanimate objects to sleep” began the editorial. And while this ability is in and of itself highly illogical it is what he […]
Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing one half of the greatest songwriting partnership in rock music: None other than Sir Paul McCartney. MI:Good afternoon Sir Paul. SPM: Good afternoon Mr. Infidel. It’s always a pleasure to talk to the press. MI: Thank you. That’s nice to hear. SPM: Shall […]
The New York City Administration for Children’s Services has begun an investigation into once twice three times disgraced former congressman and newly-single man Anthony Weiner after it was revealed that he was involved in yet another sexting scandal, this time with his child in his bed. “Yeah, the are investigating me” said the downfallen former congressman […]
Labor Day has passed and the campaign for President is in full swing. Campaigns cost money however and Hillary Clinton has been criticized for disappearing for weeks at a time to attend private fundraisers. But now she doesn’t have to. For Hillary has killed two birds with one stone. Her new ad not only promotes […]
Commander Spock of the Starship Enterprise filed for divorce from his wife today. “I have sadly come to the conclusion that to remain in cohabitation is illogical” said the decorated officer. Vulcans mate for life. We have to. No other species in the alpha quadrant can handle a Vulcan sex drive. So for me to sue […]
Notorious serial rapist Pepe Le Pew was executed in the electric chair this morning, putting an end to his reign of terror against women everywhere. Pepe’s lawyer had long maintained that his client was innocent and it was all just a case of cultural misunderstanding. “Mr. Le Pew comes from France” he said. Being a locksmith […]