Child Services Launches Firm Probe of Anthony Weiner Once Again Thrusting His Private Life into the Hard, Throbbing Glare of the Public!

I'm the victim here!

I’m the victim here!

The New York City Administration for Children’s Services has begun an investigation into once twice three times disgraced former congressman and newly-single man Anthony Weiner after it was revealed that he was involved in yet another sexting scandal, this time with his child in his bed.

“Yeah, the are investigating me” said the downfallen former congressman limply.

I was all up and excited to renew my career and fight for social justice that all New Yorkers’ care about and this notice arrives in the mail. Wow.  Talk about a wet blanket. It’s almost like your sexting with what you think is a hot 20-something chick in a bikini and you find out it’s actually a 50-something man. Not that this has ever happened to me but if it had happened to me I’d lose my erection pretty quickly. In fact I’d be filled with shame and panic over the fact that I’ve sent this person many pictures of my penis. How am I supposed to maintain an erection in circumstances like that. So to recap. Child protective services man. They are like taking nitrates for chest pain. They cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure.

A representative for Child Protective Services has confirmed with the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ that a deep, all-in, thrusting probe of Weiner has begin.

“We are going to penetrate areas that normally do not see the light of day” said the Department director.

We are going to shine a light into the deep crevices of Weiner. We will thrust deep and we will continue thrusting until we are exhausted. He better come clean or we’ll leave him limp and hanging. That’s a promise.

Weiner acknowledges that his behavior is responsible for the probe and has promised to work with Child Services.

“Addiction is a terrible thing” said the former congressman.

Whether your addiction is cocaine, meth, alcohol, real sex with live humans or sending pictures of your penis to women you’ve never met, people you think are women but turn out to be men and you realized you’re wasting your erection on a man, I mean you’re sitting alone in your bedroom with your four-year old child next to you and you’ve spent the past few hours taking photos of your penis, not that I have many photos of my penis on my phone, only a couple hundred okay a few thousand but who doesn’t because your wife has abandoned you to elect Hillary Clinton addiction is a terrible thing that destroys lives. Addicts should be treated with compassion, especially if they are siting alone in their bedroom with their child next to them and their fully engorged penis that one is proud of and should be shared but your wife has abandoned you to elect Hillary Clinton.

Weiner then sent 300 pictures of his penis to everyone at Child Protective Services.

“Come on cut me some slack. My wife has abandoned me to elect Hillary Clinton.”

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