Browsing the blog archives for June, 2015
Dateline 2019 President Elizabeth Warren, with Vice President Nancy Pelosi by her side, signed into law the “Catholic Reconstruction Act of 2019.” Under this bill, the Catholic Church in America will no longer be run from Rome but instead the President will have the power to appoint bishops and declare “true and progressive doctrine.” “This […]
By a 5-4 decision on Friday the Supreme Court of the United States declared “love to be groovy, baby.” Justice Kennedy (pictured here), opined in the majority opinion that “Changed understandings of marriage are characteristic of a Nation where new dimensions of freedom become apparent to new generations. You dig, baby!” The court also found […]
For the third quarter in a row, Soylent Green Enterprise Ltd, maker of Soylent Green has seen its market share fall dramatically. “If this keeps up we may be forced out of business” said Soylent Green’s CEO. Once the standard in the post-apocalyptic food stuff market, Soylent Green has seen steady inroads in its market […]
On the heels of the resignation of its former head, Rachel Solezal, Vice President Naima Quarles-Burnley announced that singer and actress Jessica Simpson has been named the new full-time president of the organization. “Jessica will bring to our organization her history of blackness and struggle’”said Quarles-Burnley. And while we respect and honor our former president […]
And now I present part three (that’s 1,360.78 grams) of my series on 2016 presidential candidates and their inaugural addresses. Today it’s former Rhode Island governor Lincoln Chafee’s turn. My fellow Americans. I stand before you today proud to be the 45th President of the United States. I stand before you, all 6 feet and 185 […]
Usually at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have to seek out subjects to interview. Today is different. The subject of today’s interview called and requested to speak to me. And so without further adieu I now present my exclusive interview with former football star, Hollywood star, acquitted double murderer and convicted robber and […]
“I self-identify as a gay, black, fatherless unicorn from Mars. It is my lived experience” ~ Mark Teixeira And so on Father’s Day in the Bronx, one day after beating Detroit 14-3 the Tigers had their revenge and beat the Yankees 12-4 proving once again that God is dead and fatherhood is a lie promulgated […]
Darth Vader of the Galactic Empire has been called back to the home planet to answer accusations that he regularly abused, threatened and bullied subordinates. According to sources within the Empire, Vader’s superiors had for some time been carefully monitoring his interactions within the Galactic Empire. “We take our commitment to providing an inclusive, nurturing […]
“Baseball is the greatest thing in the world. Except for hookers who suck my d*ck” ~ Babe Ruth After losing the first two in a home-away series, the Yankees and the Marlins traveled to the Bronx for the final two games. The Yankees started Michael Piñeda (8-3 3.54) while the Marlins countered with José Urina […]
Dateline Paris, France: December 2015 President Obama wowed the crowd at the annual United Nations Climate Change summit by promising to “end air travel as we know it.” “I’ve heard the criticism of my allies in Europe” declared the sun-tanned, virile, handsome and masculine specimen of mankind that is our President. They say I have abdicated […]