Jessica Simpson Named Head of Spokane NAACP!

I am black and I'm representin'!

I am black and I’m representin’!

On the heels of the resignation of its former head, Rachel Solezal, Vice President Naima Quarles-Burnley announced that singer and actress Jessica Simpson has been named the new full-time president of the organization.

“Jessica will bring to our organization her history of blackness and struggle'”said Quarles-Burnley.

And while we respect and honor our former president Rachel Dolezal who was publicly lynched by the white man, we appreciate that our organization is under a cloud.  Jessica will return normalcy to our struggle.  We welcome her and wish her the best in her new role.

Though long a favorite in the black community of Spokane, Simpson was not in fact the first choice to replace Dolezal.  Academy award winning actor Denzel Washington was considered but was rejected because his skin was too dark.

“We feared no one would believe him as a black man” admitted Quarles-Burnley by way of explanation.

After Washington was rejected Spokane’s leaders approached current president of Namibia, Hage Geingob.  Geingob turned down the offer when it was informed that he would have to move to Spokane and lighten the color of his hair.

“Those white people are crazy” Geingob reportedly told a friend.

It was only then that Simpson was offered the job.

At the press conference announcing her appointment Simpson promised to do all she could to make the black community of Spokane proud.

“I am  honored and humbled to take on this new role” said the singer.

Blacks have suffered and struggled throughout their entire history of oppression in the United States.  I  know a thing or two about oppression.  Just the other day the air conditioning went out in my mansion in Los Angeles. It got so hot my makeup started to run and my hair became wilted under the oppression of the humidity.  I said to myself “If black people have experienced anything as bad as this then I can really relate.”

In a nod to her most famous role as Daisy Duke in the Dukes of Hazzard, Simpson announced that she will proudly fly a confederate flag from the NAACP headquarters to show her solidarity with black people everywhere.

“I know I will be happy in Spokane” said Simpson.  “I just hope John Mayer doesn’t show up and ruin everything. The man’s a jerk.”


One Response

  1. petermc3 says:

    Once again the albino nation is shunned for a black woman.

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