The Supreme Court justices who authored the gay marriage ruling celebrate

By a 5-4 decision on Friday the Supreme Court of the United States declared “love to be groovy, baby.”

Justice Kennedy (pictured here),

Love is groovier than a grilled cheese sandwich baby

opined in the majority opinion that “Changed understandings of marriage are characteristic of a Nation where new dimensions of freedom become apparent to new generations. You dig, baby!”

The court also found that “no union, except perhaps the Grateful Dead, The Beatles, or Cream (Clapton is God!), is more profound that marriage.  I’ve married to my old lady for years now, dig it man.  We are one soul beating in two hearts.  Marriage embodies the highest ideals of love.”

Marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death.  Dude, speaking of which I dropped some acid last night and I saw my grandmother.  She’s been dead for years but I still love her.  The hope of gay people is not be condemned to live in loneliness.  You know I had a really bad trip once at a New Riders of the Purple Sage concert.  I was so alone! I cried.  My friends had to talk me down.  So yeah, I know what loneliness is.  All gays want is equal dignity dude.  And that’s beautiful. Beautiful.  Of course I don’t think the “Herberts” on the bench appreciate the majority decision but they are unhip.  Herberts.  Every last one of them.

Editor’s Note:  By way of explanation, a “Herbert” is a person notorious for rigid and limited patterns of thought.  But perhaps this behind the scenes video footage of Justice Kennedy taunting Justice Scalia by repeatedly calling him Herbert will better explain:

Herbert!

Of course the decision revealed the great divide in the court between the progressive, Non-Herbert wing and the reactionary Herbert wing.

The Herbert wing, led by Justices Scalia and Roberts (pictured here)

The Herbert wing of the court doesn’t know what the hell they are talking about!

responded that the decision of the Herberts was “pretentious” and full of “silly extravagances.”

“These damn hippies don’t know what they are talking about” griped Scalia.

I say cut their hair and give them all a bath.  They stink up the court and the constant pot smoking is affecting my breathing. It’s bad enough Kennedy keeps playing his bongos all day while Ginsberg dances naked.  Believe me.  I could have gone my entire life without seeing that.  And I wish they’d stop chanting “Herbert” every time they see me.

Despite the deep differences between the two wings, the justices vow to work together in the future as long as each wing has separate bathrooms.

“Hippies bring flies.  And god knows what germs the toilet bowls have after they plant their ass cheeks on them” said Justice Clarence Thomas.

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