Piñeda Strikes Out Nine as Yankees Beat Miami Marlins

“Baseball is the greatest thing in the world.  Except for hookers who suck my d*ck” ~ Babe Ruth

Yes, that's my beer.  Yes, it was $9.50

Yes, that’s my beer. Yes, it was $9.50

After losing the first two in a home-away series, the Yankees and the Marlins traveled to the Bronx for the final two games.  The Yankees started Michael Piñeda (8-3 3.54) while the Marlins countered with José Urina (1-3 4.18).

In the bottom of the first Chase Headley took one for the team and went to first after being drilled.   Brian McCann grounded into a fielder’s choice and Headley moved to second.   AROD then hit number 2,9996 of his career, a single that scored Headley.  1-0 Yankees after one.

In the bottom of the fifth, after singles by Headley and AROD (number 2,997), Carlos Beltrán singled home Headley.  2-0 Yankees after five.

As Piñeda started the seventh he had a no hitter going and had already struck out nine batters. (Probably from the pine tar he had placed all over his testicles).  Would he pitch a no hitter? Unfortunately not.  Christian Yelich lead off the seventh and hit a home run deep over the center field wall.  After this, as Piñeda’s pitch count was in the 90s Girardi took him out. 2-1 Yankees after seven.

And that was the final score as the Yankee relievers of Shreve, Wilson and Betances shut down the Marlins for the rest of the game, allowing only two hits.

Notes on the game:

I sit in the front row of the bleachers just to the left of the Yankee bullpen.  Their is a row of grass on the bleachers wall. Usually it is well trimmed.  However I guess the Yankees fired the groundskeeper (a move to save money seeing as AROD has three more years on his contract.) So when I got to my seat instead of a neatly trimmed hedge row I was greeted by this.


The Yankees cannot afford to cut the hedge.

The Yankees cannot afford to cut the hedge.

Best heckle of the game:

My heckle of “I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened” didn’t fire up the crowd.  It was a false alarm.  Those millions of voices crying out in terror were only Red Sox fans contemplating their starting rotation.

Reader mail:

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “I shot an Ewok baby.  Shot that little furry fella off his tree.”

Damn Ewoks.  They don’t deserve to live.

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

Yeah, you can’t pull that Jedi mind trick shit on me, sir.  I see what you’re burying in your back yard!

L.T. of New York writes, “The Force is strong with this one.”

Thanks. It’s my Viagra.

AROD had two hits in the game, bringing his career total up to 2,997.  I’ll be at Sunday’s game so hopefully he’ll only get two hits between now and then.  I’ve even offered him my steroids as a bribe.

Recommended reading material:  “You mean I have to get rid of my penis and testicles to complete the conversion?” by Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner.

And so my record this year stands at 3-1.  My next game is Sunday, June 21st against the Detroit Tigers.

Go Yankees!



8 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    With Kaline, Cash, Freehan, Northrup all hitting over .300 and McClain and Lolich untouchable your Chankees, as their known in the Latin community, ain’t got a chance…. did I take my meds this morning?

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Once at the old stadium (the original they gutted in the ’70s) I was watching them play Detroit and I was sitting right next to the bullpen. I looked at Mickey Lolitch and I said, “This is an athlete? He’s so fat.”

  2. innominatus says:

    If that hedge grew in Seattle the fans would stuff it in a bong and smoke it.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Would they have time to do this? I mean wouldn’t that take away from their anti-globalization riots?

  3. Petermc3 says:

    In 1963, I can’t remember the exact date, with Camillo Pasquale of the Twins on the mound, bottom of the 1st, four Cubanos run on the field and wrapped him in the Cuban flag as he stood on the mound. Sitting in box seats ($3.50) behind home plate with my friend Lazaro, his father Orlando and uncle Nelson, all who stood up and cheered, we had a great view. The good old days.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      $3.50 for BOX seats?


      ActuallY I remember in the ’70s box seats behind home plate were still 4 dollars. They are only 900 now.

  4. Petermc3 says:

    Box Seats: $3.50
    Mezzani: $2.50
    Grandstand: $1.50
    Bleachers: .75
    We would bring hot dogs from home wrapped in “tinfoil” rather than pay .25 for a stadium dog.

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