Browsing the blog archives for July, 2011
The stand-off between the City of Gotham and its resident crime fighter Batman turned serious today with each side leveling charges against the other. At the heart of the conflict is Batman’s desire to get a tax abatement on the Bat cave. Batman, currently in the mist of upgrading the Bat cave has said that […]
In wake of the burgeoning Operation Fast and Furious scandal President Obama today accepted the resignation of his attorney General Eric Holder. In accepting Holder’s resignation, President Obama praised his former Attorney General for his many contributions but also acknowledged that it was time to go in a new direction. Said the President: It is […]
The Environmental Shakedown Protection Agency has ordered New York City to place a concrete containment dome over all of its upstate reservoirs. “The EPA requires that all water be enclosed after it is treated and decontaminated” said EPA administrator Lisa Jackson. “Rules are rules. And New York City must comply. You have a nice water […]
“You throw the ball. You catch the ball. You hit the ball. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains” ~ Bull Durham So after sitting out a two-hour rain delay the Yankees took the field shortly after 9 PM to face the Seattle “Sorry we brought our hippie raining leftist cappuccino swilling anti-capitalist […]
Pain in the ass lawyer and major in the 2nd Rhode Island infantry, Sullivan Ballou officially ruined it for all men by writing a letter home to his wife. The effects of this notorious letter are still being felt today. A week before the first Battle of Bull Run Ballou wrote a letter (“The Letter”) […]
The Department of Agriculture announced today that because of a sharp rise in corn prices, Bacon is expected to be “dramatically more expensive” this summer. With the announcement consumers have begun cutting back on their Bacon usage. “I used to have Kevin Bacon cut my lawn once a week. He was cheap. Ten dollars was […]
Dateline: April 13, 2023. Displaying an unprecedented degree of impatience with its foremost debtor, The People’s Republic of China issued a statement today saying that the “United States must follow the directives that we want” or face the full “military might of China.” With the debt of the United States hovering at 90 percent of […]
Hollywood, long synonymous with America and American culture announced today that it intends to file for divorce. “This has been a long time coming” said Hollywood. “We’ve grown apart. We no longer share the same values. America and I have nothing in common. Hell, we don’t even like each other anymore.” As part of the […]
President Obama met today with congressional leaders as the latest round of negotiations into increasing the country’s debt limit extended into the evening. The meeting started normally enough with President Obama welcoming congressional leaders to the oval office. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor then complained that the cuts that were agreed to last week had […]
Authorities in several states from Oklahoma to Arizona are currently searching for a family of migrant workers called “The Joads” who have created a swathe of terror in their wake. “They’re no good. That’s what they are” declared one sheriff. “Why else would they travel along old route 66 when there are modern freeways? They’re […]