Batman, Gotham City at Odds

My taxes are too high!The stand-off between the City of Gotham and its resident crime fighter Batman turned serious today with each side leveling charges against the other.

At the heart of the conflict is Batman’s desire to get a tax abatement on the Bat cave.  Batman, currently in the mist of upgrading the Bat cave has said that he cannot continue fighting crime in Gotham without modernizing his headquarters.  Gotham for its part claims that they have already given Batman plenty of breaks and that he (Batman) is in fact delinquent on back taxes.

After walking out of today’s negotiations Batman told waiting reporters

Look, I’m just an ordinary crime fighter.  I have no special powers.  And it’s expensive being a crime fighter.  For one thing the costumes Robin and I wear aren’t cheap. We import them from France.  Sure we could get outfits off the rack but the public expects us to look our best when we save them. That’s why I need my taxes lowered.  I have a right to make a profit don’t I?  Gotham is lucky to have me.  My efforts have reduced crime which brings in more tax revenue.  I bring tourists to Gotham as well.  Before I set up shop here Gotham ranked behind Detroit in tourist revenue.  Now look at it!  We’re almost as popular as Poughkeepsie.

Gotham is claiming that Batman is costing them money.  Said a member of the city council:

Our new subway line is two years behind schedule.  Do you know why?   Batman would not let us tunnel through the Bat cave. So we had to tunnel around it.  He claimed he couldn’t have workers in his cave because of sensitive proprietary technology.  Who’s he kidding?  Proprietary technology my ass.  He’s using Dells running Windows 7.  If he had only let us go through the Bat cave the city would have saved four billion.  We wouldn’t have had to raise his taxes.

Gotham also has issues with the Batmobile which, while a miracle of modern crime fighting technology does not meet the city’s clean energy requirements.  The City council is debating a measure to ban the Batmobile in city limits.

“I can’t believe they actually want me to drive a Prius” said Batman.  “How am I going to fight crime in a Prius?  What am I going to do?  Drive around town in that and watch the bad guys laugh themselves to death?”

Batman’s new crime fighting software, “Bat Caller 2.0”  has been a constant source of friction between the two sides.  Unveiled last year to the tune of $350 million, the software was supposed to streamline crime fighting in the city.  All city residents were to be added to the Bat Caller database.  When they accessed the Bat Caller website all they had to do theoretically was enter their address and the super villain that was currently threatening them.  If the system had worked it would have eliminated the need for the outdated and expensive Bat signal.  Instead the software frequently crashed, leaving terrified residents at the mercy of the Joker and others.

If a deal is not reached between the two sides Batman has threatened to walk.

“I’m a crime fighter.  But I don’t have to fight crime in Gotham.  I’ve gotten a very good offer from Pittsburgh.  And Tampa, Denver and Sioux City have put out feelers” said Batman.


7 Responses

  1. “Before I set up shop here Gotham ranked behind Detroit in tourist revenue.”

    That’s not possible, is it?
    Maybe Gotham will let Batman use a hot air balloon. I hear hot air is plentiful and cheap in Gotham.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Batman is just another small businessman strangled by all the taxes in a Blue state. That’s why he’s moving.

  3. As long as San Francisco doesn’t send out any feelers, Batman is probably safe.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I’m sure Batman personally wouldn’t mind moving out to San Francisco with his Dick, er, his ward.

    But Batman is a businessman and the economic climate and regulation in a blue nanny state like California would make him go broke before long.

  5. Matt says:

    How long before the criminals start filing brutality suits against the caped crusader?

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: Caped Crusader needs an insurance policy.

  7. MK says:

    “Instead the software frequently crashed, leaving terrified residents at the mercy of the Joker and others.”

    Told him not to get those piece of shit dell computers with windows on them.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>