Browsing the blog archives for August, 2010
A buffalo, perhaps not realizing the implications of its actions, gored and killed a veteran conservationist today. “I don’t understand why the buffalo killed him” said a friend. “He devoted his entire life to helping oppressed buffalo. He just wanted to make their lives better. And get massive government grants.” The buffalo, hungry and perhaps […]
Customers in a popular Manhattan deli were surprised to find that if they wanted their bagel sliced it now cost 9 cents extra. Also, if bagels are eaten in the store, even if not touched by a knife or sliced, they cost extra. Running a 14 billion dollar deficit and with a lame-duck governor feuding […]
In advance of President Obama’s planned fund-raising trip to Manhattan the Secret Service has published a new set of operational guidelines. “Our duty is to protect the President” said Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan. “And we are going to use the power vested in us by the Constitution to make sure we can do our […]
Dateline Rome. August 26th 410: Rome, the eternal city was sacked today by Visigoths, a normally peaceful tribe. As the Visigoths poured into the city, stunned Roman citizens wondered who was responsible for the first sacking of the city in almost 800 years. Many pointed the finger of blame at the previous emperor, Georgicus Bushius. […]
Vacationing in Massachusetts, President Obama disappointed the hopes of many in the press corp by refusing to doff his shirt for the cameras. Intoned Chris Matthews: Just a year into his administration President Obama has yet to bring hope and change to the people of America who voted for him. Polls say that the people […]
Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Starship Enterprise was unsuccessful today in an attempt to sync his contacts with his new Starfleet-issued Comm Badge. Reports indicate that the trouble started when Picard picked up his new comm badge and tried to use it without first reading the instructions. Picard: At last, my new comm badge. I […]
“Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains.” ~ Bull Durham I woke up today to overcast skies. No problem I says. It’s not like I live in Oregon. So I took the no. 6 train up to the Bronx. The Yankees were playing the Seattle Mariners. The Yankees started Carlston Charles Sabathia (17-5 […]
As part of my long, single minded, ruthless and implacable march towards world domination (interrupted only by trips to the refrigerator to grab beer and long sojourns on my couch eating potato chips) I created the Manhattan Infidel web site. My plan is proceeding on schedule and with any luck by 2014 the world will […]
Popular television personality Howdy Doody was released on his own recognizance this morning after an altercation with police the previous evening. Mr. Doody arrived at the T & A Strip Club shortly before 11 PM. Surrounded by his posse Doody took a booth in the back and invited dancers over for private sessions. According to […]
“You can’t sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You’ve got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance. That’s why baseball is the greatest game of them all.” ~ Earl Weaver Tonight the Yankees played game two […]