As part of my long, single minded, ruthless and implacable march towards world domination (interrupted only by trips to the refrigerator to grab beer and long sojourns on my couch eating potato chips) I created the Manhattan Infidel web site.  My plan is proceeding on schedule and with any luck by 2014 the world will be mine.

Everyone who stumbles upon my blog becomes a Manhattan Infidel acolyte.  Your soul is mine.  There is no escaping it.  However I am legally obligated to explain the process of indoctrination.  So for your pleasure I present the Five Stages of Manhattan Infidel.

Stage 1 – Denial.

Stage 1 acolytes are those who have accidentally stumbled upon Manhattan Infidel while searching for porn, information on how to dispose of a body or pictures of the 19th President of the United States, Rutherford B. Hayes.

People in this stage are in deep denial, which at best is only a temporary defense.  “How did this happen to me?  Why am I on this site?  Where are the pictures of Rutherford B. Hayes?  I’m never coming back to Manhattan Infidel again!”

However, try as they might, they soon return.  And this brings them to stage two.

Stage 2 – Anger.

Stage 2 acolytes recognize that denial cannot continue.  Because of their anger they can be difficult to be around.  Feelings of rage and envy fill them as they think of all the time they should be spending looking at photos of Rutherford B. Hayes and not checking out Manhattan Infidel.

“Who is to blame for my yearning to go to Manhattan Infidel?  How can this happen to me?  If my friends find out they will never speak about Rutherford B. Hayes to me again.”

Try as they might, the anger soon yields to stage three.

Stage 3 – Bargaining.

Stage 3 acolytes are consumed with a desire to reform their lives.  Usually the negotiation is with a higher power.   Psychologically the individual is saying “I understand I am useless in the grips of the madman who is Manhattan Infidel but I promise to spend less time on his site and more time looking at photos of Rutherford B. Hayes.”

But the bargaining will fail of course.  This brings us to stage four.

Stage 4 – Depression.

At stage 4, my acolytes are almost totally under my power.  They often get extremely depressed.  They rarely shower and lose all interest in communicating with loved ones.   “I’m so sad.  What’s the point.  Why bother with anything” they  often say to themselves.  Many totally abandon looking at pictures of Rutherford B. Hayes, “I’m not worthy” and instead begin looking online for pictures of 20th President James Garfield.

It is not recommended to interact with a person in this stage of Manhattan Infidel.  This brings us to the fifth and final stage of Manhattan Infidel:  Acceptance.

Stage 5 – Acceptance.

Stage 5 acolytes are now full-fledged members of the Manhattan Infidel empire.   People in this stage have come to terms with their new lives.  “It’s going to be okay.  I can’t fight it.  I might as well prepare for it” they say.  Or they will try to convert their friends to Manhattan Infidel.  Many spend their waking hours wondering what they can do to hasten Manhattan Infidel’s total world domination.  Of course, being human they try to maintain some semblance of their past lives.  Hence the looking online for pictures of 15th President James Buchanan.

I welcome their attempt at normalcy as it makes it easier for me to bend their will to my plans.

And now that I have fullfilled my legal obligation I now return you to your online searching for photos of James Buchanan.

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