“Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes it rains.” ~ Bull Durham
I woke up today to overcast skies. No problem I says. It’s not like I live in Oregon. So I took the no. 6 train up to the Bronx. The Yankees were playing the Seattle Mariners.
The Yankees started Carlston Charles Sabathia (17-5 3.02 ERA) while the team that represents the water sogged west coast started Luke “Use the force” French (2-4 4.57 ERA.) Normally I’d be worried about this since the Yankees cannot beat unknown pitchers.
Anyway after wiping off my soggy seat I sat down to watch good baseball as it was meant to be played. It was a pitchers duel for the first 3 1/2 innings. The first score was Austin “You’re kidding? He plays for the Yankees?” Kearns who hit a solo home run in the bottom of the fourth. 1-0 Yankees after four.
Carlton Charles Sabathia finally gave up a hit in the fifth inning as the rain started pouring down. How bad was the rain? The phrase raining cats and dogs is such a cliche but I did see a pit bull land in front of me. He picked himself up, said “ruff” and walked away. Hey, they are tough dogs.
During the rain in tht bottom of the fifth a walk to Derek Jeter, a double by Nick Swisher brought up an intentional walk to Mark Teixeira. Now, didn’t Seattle get the email? Twice Tex has been intentionally walked this season and AROD has hit grand slams. Well, AROD is on the disabled list (steroids **cough cough**). Robinson Cano batting fourth hit a grand slam that landed behind me in the bleachers. 5-0 Yankees after five.
Then the rain delay.
Fun things to do during a rain delay:
- Update your Facebook status message to “I yearn tragically for your body .” Hey, let your friends figure it out.
- Ask the person next to you “Are you into it?”
- Take off all your clothes. If anyone asks, tell them this is standard behavior for bloggers.
- Run out onto the field. Tell the groundskeepers you enjoy being beaten up on national TV.
After 45 minutes the rain delay ended. But this was not the end of the rain, which came back in the 8th inning.
In the bottom of the sixth the Yankees scored three more runs. 8-0 Yankees after six.
In the seventh Jorge Posada hit a home run. 9-0 after seven.
In the Eighth Marcus Thames singled in Ramiro Peno. Final score: 10-0 Yankees.
Notes on the game:
It rained most of the game. I know the Yankees were playing Seattle but damn you Seattle! Stop giving us your left coast socialist weather. Hippies!
Sushi should be banned from all ballparks. Cigars, however, should not.
Alex Rodriguez did not play, having been placed on the 15 day disabled list. AROD’s age is catching up to him. And the down side to steroid use is once you are off them the body deteriorates. This explains Manny Ramirez’ bitch tits and Nomar Garciaparra’s exploding, separating groin.
Nick Johnson injury watch:
Depressed that he has been on the DL for 3 months, Nick Johnson attempted suicide today with a hair dryer, a gerbil and Marlin Perkins from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. He was unsuccessful in the attempt though the hair dryer did die. The Yankee front office is confident, absolutely pretty please suger on top confident that Johnson will be back in the lineup soon.
Recommended reading material:
Lincoln at Cooper Union by Harold Holzer
Reader mail:
D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “I like being naked. I really do.”
Well, he does work for an accounting firm.
A.P. of Poughkeepsie New York writes, “I killed a customer today. He made me angry. Should I feel guilty about this?”
Absolutely not. Unless you killed him before he payed you. Always get paid first. Then kill.
Thomas Aquinas writes, “Marriage…….includes sexual intercourse.”
Obviously Tom’s never been married.
Anyway, my record this year stands at 10-7. My next game is Monday September 6th against the Baltimore “We suck, even with Buck Showalter” Orioles.
Go Yankees!
(388)
Here in Corvallis we celebrate an annual Rain Festival that runs from Jan 1 to Dec 31. On the bright side, the crappy weather prevents the hairy-legged hippie chicks from wearing shorts too often.
Well now that you put it that way, I guess bad weather can be a blessing. We all want to be spared the sight of hairy hippie chick legs. (I guess shaving the legs would be “ungreen.”)
Damn you Al Gore!
OK, there was a mistake on Johnson’s part. You see, Marlin always stayed at a safe distance while the other dude on the show, Jim, went and wrestled with the Rhino, or whatever other wild critter they were studying that week.
The man should have done his research.
It seems Nick can’t do anything right.
“As Jim wrestles with the alligator…..as Jim is eaten by the alligator….. I’d like to tell you about the many benefits of Mutual of Omaha”