Howdy Doody in Altercation with Police

Howdy Doody sees the hand that pulls the stringsPopular television personality Howdy Doody was released on his own recognizance this morning after an altercation with police the previous evening.

Mr. Doody arrived at the T & A Strip Club shortly before 11 PM.  Surrounded by his posse Doody took a booth in the back and invited dancers over for private sessions.  According to witnesses this is when the trouble started.

“He was downing shots” said Tiffany, an exotic dancer at the club. “He reeked of alcohol.  He kept waving 100 dollar bills at me and saying ‘shake it honey.’ ”

Ms. Tiffany approached the booth where Doody was and proceeded to dance for him.

“He started playing grab ass with me. He was all hands.  Look I don’t care how famous you are you treat me with respect!”

Doody asked Tiffany for a private session for $1000 dollars.  They proceeded to go to a back room on the  premises where Doody promptly dropped his pants.

“He said ‘Don’t let my lack of genitalia fool you honey.  I’m all man baby!’  Then he kept rubbing up against me.  But nothing was happening because he has nothing down there.”

It was at this point that Doody burst into tears, crying “Why? Why?  You did this to me!  I hate you.  I am not your puppet any longer!”

With his pants still at his ankles Doody rushed onto the stage of the club, throwing punches and attempting to rub up against the pole. Police were called as security threw Doody and his hangers on out of the club.

When police arrived they found Doody on the ground, vomiting with his pants at his ankles and shouting to his hangers on “Will one of you c—suckers help me pull my pants up?  What am I  paying you for?”

“I approached the person in question” according to the state trooper who arrested him “and I asked him if he was Howdy Doody.  The perpetrator responded ‘Yes.’ I then told him I was arresting him for disturbing the peace.”

According the the trooper Doody became verbally abusive.

“He told me that I had no power over him and that all my power comes from above.”

Officers placed Doody in handcuffs and put him in the back of a patrol car.  While this was happening Mr. Doody kept shouting “Don’t you see it’s all a joke.  It’s all meaningless.  It’s all so f—ing meaningless.  You think you have free will? We’re all puppets!  We’re all goddamn puppets.  I’m just a puppet who sees the strings.”

In a statement released by Doody’s manager, last night’s events were blamed on “underlying emotional issues exacerbated by substance abuse and lack of genitalia.”

Doody has asked the forgiveness of his fans and announced that he will be entering the Betty Ford Clinic.


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