Browsing the blog archives for November, 2009
Jeff, a self-described “unmarried loner” from Poughquag, New York has proudly passed another year without committing any acts of violence. “People talk all the time about prejudice against blacks, Jews, gay people but no one talks about prejudice against unmarried loners. I”m tired of this. Many of us live productive lives without being addicted to […]
Mickey Mouse, beloved to generations of people is getting a makeover. Concerned over his growing irrelevance Mickey, after extensive meetings with marketers and image consultants has emerged angrier, violent and consumed with self-loathing. As Mickey says, “I’ve decided to let the public see the real me.” “I was growing tired of my squeaky clean image” […]
With the news that Daniel Craig was stepping down as James Bond an exhaustive search began for a replacement. That search ended today when popular cartoon character Yosemite Sam was chosen to be the next Bond. “We auditioned many fine actors” said a spokesman for EON Productions “but in the end none had the quality […]
Tragedy struck Ft. Hood Texas as a Muslim psychiatrist opened fire on base, killing 13 and wounding 30. According to reports the gunman, Major Nadal Hassan began the day by giving all his possessions away and preparing to do glorious battle with the enemies of Allah. Figuratively of course. Already there is much speculation as […]
The House of Representatives’ Health Reform Bill is over 1900 pages and weighs 20 pounds. And the reviews are in. Publisher’s Weekly declared “The House Health Reform Bill is a monumental work of fiction that would make Tolstoy proud.” The New York Times called it “Long…..very very long…..filled with plot twists and bizarre characters. Perhaps […]
Fox Television announced today that starting next year they will be making significant changes in how the World Series is presented. “Although this year’s World Series had good ratings, we cannot guarantee that every year two big market teams like New York and Philadelphia will be playing. So we’ve decided to use the strength’s that […]
Hoping to renew support for the so-called “Public Option”, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) appeared at a rally today along side legendary movie monster Godzilla, a long-time supporter of universal health care. “I’d like to thank Godzilla for taking time out of his busy schedule be here today” said Pelosi as she introduced […]
The Government today announced that it will be taking proactive steps to end global warming. “It’s no secret that methane released from cows has dramatically increased the World’s core temperature” said Todd Stern, President Obama’s Climate Czar. “If we continue to let these cows release their methane into the atmosphere we run the risk of […]
In a ceremony from the Rose Garden, President Obama signed into law a series of Presidential decrees that he hopes will “Define my Presidency.” Starting in June asparagus will be outlawed. All those caught with asparagus will be forced to wear T-shirts that say “I am personally displeasing to President Obama.” All wood-burning stoves will […]