Health Reform Bill Longest, Most Influential Book No One Will Ever Read Since War and Peace

The House Health Reform Bill - the new War and PeaceThe House of Representatives’ Health Reform Bill is over 1900 pages and weighs 20 pounds.  And the reviews are in.

Publisher’s Weekly declared “The House Health Reform Bill is a monumental work of fiction that would make Tolstoy proud.”

The New York Times called it “Long…..very very long…..filled with plot twists and bizarre characters.  Perhaps the most important work of fiction since ‘War and Peace’……..all that is missing are Russians.”

Literature Review Magazine says “……bound to be a classic taught in fiction classes for decades to come. ”

Sting told reporters “It took me 19 hours to read the Bill, which fortunately still left me 5 hours to use my sinewed body for sexual acrobatics.”

And like War and Peace the Health Reform Bill seems destined to be greatly admired by reputation, though seldom read.  From the inscription on the first page, “Vengeance is mine. I will copay”, a quote attributable  to Nancy Pelosi, to the final sentence on page 1900 where the lead character, a faithful government employee is run over by a train driven by a ruthless insurance executive, the novel take the reader on a wild ride.

Typical is the reaction of Dr. Stanislaus Kominsky, a Professor of Comparative Literature at Fordham College who plans to stop teaching War and Peace and instead use an entire semester on the Health Bill.  “My students won’t like it.  They were grumbling before  because they thought Tolstoy was long winded.  But this health bill is a seminal work of fiction.  It must be taught.”

However, the Bill does have its share of critics.  Many professors are refusing to teach it in class.  One said, “Students now days do not have the patience to read something so long.  Hell, the cliff notes alone are 700 pages, and that’s longer than my Verizon Bill.”

Some critics are complaining that it is not the Government’s best work with “unfocused……meandering…..dull”  being frequent adjectives of dismissal

Many question the relevance of the work.  “I already have great health insurance” said one critic.  “I know people say it’s important but I just don’t know if I need it.”

Still despite the criticism the Bill seems destined for a long run at the top of the fiction charts.  Oprah Winfrey has already added it to her book club.  “I looooooooove this Bill” said Oprah.  “I had Sting read it to me and when he was done we spent five hours having sinewy acrobatic sex.”

The Health Reform Bill, if passed, is due out in hardcover in January with a paperback edition to follow in the Spring.


1 Comment

One Response

  1. KingShamus says:

    I dunno if Oprah is batting from Sting’s side of the plate, if you know what I’m saying.

    BTW, congrats to the World Champion Yankees. I’m a little surprised we haven’t seen any celebratory fireworks here.

    I kinda hate to think of oprah batting for anybody……a site best left unimagined. I tried to get World Series tickets but alas was unsuccessful

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