Unmarried Loner Passes Another Year Without Violence

This unmarried loner is proud of his nonviolent historyJeff, a self-described “unmarried loner” from Poughquag, New York has proudly passed another year without committing any acts of violence.

“People talk all the time about prejudice against blacks, Jews, gay people but no one talks about prejudice against unmarried loners.  I”m tired of this.  Many of us live productive lives without being addicted to porn.  Hell I’ve never even had an obsession with a stripper.”

What Jeff points out is in fact a growing problem in the United States:  discrimination against unmarried loners.

“Nobody wants to have a cubicle next to me.  They think I’m going to go postal or something.  When everyone goes to lunch together and I stay behind I get knowing glances.  ‘Oh don’t mind him….he’s just an unmarried loner planning his next killing spree. ‘  That’s just not fair.  I’ve never been convicted of a violent crime in my life.

In high school Jeff was the popular class cutup.

“I was quite normal in school.  I wanted to be a policeman or a firefighter.  But then my guidance counselor told me that I was most suited to being a serial killer” says Jeff.  “When you are told that you have the natural ability to become a serial killer it does change your outlook on life.  So I got to thinking why waste my talents on a civil service job.”

After high school Jeff moved to California and entered serial killer school but was expelled for good behavior.

“In a year there I never committed an act of violence.  They said I was a disgrace and threw me out of school.  That really damaged my self-esteem for awhile.  I watched all my serial killer hopes and dreams fade away.”

His bitter disappointment got Jeff to thinking.

“Maybe my guidance counselor was wrong.  Maybe I’m just a loner.   My father was a loner.  My grandfather was a loner.  My great grandfather was a crossdressing satanist banjo player but his father was a loner.”

And so Jeff embarked upon a career as a nonviolent unmarried loner.

“The next time you see an unmarried loner don’t be afraid.   Say hello.  Many of us wear clothing beneath our rain coats.”


2 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    Damnit! Forgot to take the sock-puppet off.

    My bad, dude.

    I had a sock puppet once. He died waiting for his government approved doctor’s visit

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