Browsing the blog archives for September, 2009
Long-time employee of the Department of Agriculture Smokey the Bear was arrested today by the FBI and charged with setting a string of forest fires throughout the United States. “We got him. We finally got him” declared FBI Director Robert Mueller. Today’s arrest marks the final downfall for the once popular anti-forest fire spokesman. Hired […]
In perhaps the nadir of an already disappointing season, the New York Mets were defeated by the Vatican today. The Vatican was able to hold the Mets to 1 run and 3 hits thanks to a stellar performance by Vatican starting pitcher Anthony Cardinal Bevilaqua and a solid relief outing by Edward Cardinal Egan. Coming […]
When Joe Wilson (R-SC) shouted out “you lie” during President Obama’s address to a joint session of Congress many were shocked at the breach of protocol. What many do not know is that heckling of the President is a long and time-honored American tradition dating back to George Washington. In fact heckling predates the Presidency. […]
Speaking from downtown Manhattan, President Obama declared that September 11th will now be known as “National Apology Day.” “What happened to the World on September 11, 2001 was unfortunate. The Muslim world was thrown into war. A war they did not start. But now we have it in our power to end it.” The ceremony […]
The first annual Depression Olympics has been postponed after hitting repeated snags. The opening ceremonies were supposed to start at 9 A.M. with depressed athletes from around the globe marching into the Coliseum in Los Angeles. However, the ceremonies started an hour late with only half the scheduled athletes marching. “We tried to round up […]
President Obama today gave his much heralded talk to schoolchildren across the United States. Obama started by thanking the children of America for giving him the opportunity to talk to them and reminisced about his days as a child. “I know for many of you this is your first day of school. There are many […]
Today, September 7th Derek Jeter stood 4 hits away from passing the Iron Horse Lou Gehrig for the most hits in Yankee history. A record that has stood for 70 years. I brought my camera to the game to take part in history. Jeter went 0 -3. He did this to spite me. However, […]
Fresh off the resignation of controversial “Green Jobs” Czar Van Jones President Obama has named the Jolly Green Giant as the new Green Jobs Czar. It is clearly hoped by many in the Administration that the embarrassment caused by the Van Jones controversy will be put to rest and that the Jolly Green Giant will […]
In keeping with my new policy I am pleased to have the Honorable John Edwards, former Vice Presidential Candidate and Senator from North Carolina deliver a guest commentary. “Thank you. I am pleased that the Manhattan Infidel has given me this opportunity to speak to the American People. “My fellow Americans. We live in troubled […]
Chanel, a wire-haired dachshund who at 21 years of age was credited as the oldest dog in the world has passed away. She died quietly at her human companion’s home in Long Island surrounded by loved ones and one very happy cat. Recently Chanel had become depressed as old age cruelly stripped her of her […]