Guest Commentary From John Edwards

John Edwards discusses current issuesIn keeping with my new policy I am pleased to have the Honorable John Edwards, former Vice Presidential Candidate and Senator from North Carolina deliver a guest commentary.

“Thank you.  I am pleased that the Manhattan Infidel has given me this opportunity to speak to the American People.

“My fellow Americans.  We live in troubled times.  Everywhere I go I see evidence of two Americas:  The America of the fat cat and the America of the underprivileged who cannot afford to hire me as their attorney.  

“And this makes me angry.  As I look out the window of my mansion now I can see across the street poor unfortunate Americans in their poor unfortunate run down houses and I ask myself ‘How can this be tolerated in America?’  I have to close my curtains so I will not have to see them.  My fellow Americans we are not living up to our potential.  This is the land of opportunity.  A land where the immigrant can pull himself up and by dint of hard work know that his children’s lives will be better.  He may not be able to hire me to sue somebody but his children definitely will.

“Currently our country is embroiled in a lively debate over the merits of universal health care.  I am a firm supporter of our President and his desire to enact universal health care.  Over the years I have sued many many doctors.  Doctors who only cared about money and not the well-being of their patients.

“I have witnessed many Americans without health care struggle to pay their bills.  If they did have health care they would have more money and would be able to hire me.  It pains me when I see people I cannot sue.   Not being able to sue people fills me with great anxiety.  I would not have this anxiety if we had  universal health care.  This anxiety has forced me to go outside my family for comfort.  

“So call up your congressman or congresswoman and tell them to support the President’s plan.  Health insurance will make this a better country, reduce costs and work towards the mental health of all people.  Who knows.  If we only had health coverage for everybody I might not have been filled with free floating anxiety.  Health care might have prevented me from cheating on my dying wife.   Fortunately my mistress has great private health insurance.

“In closing let me just say that universal health care will vastly reduce costs.  It will vastly increase the savings of average Americans and it will vastly increase their ability to hire me to sue someone.

“I’d like to again thank the Manhattan Infidel for giving me this forum to address the American people.   And now that he has finally allowed me to use his blog to state my case I can drop my lawsuit against him.”

Yours Sincerely

John Edwards

The Manhattan Infidel would like to thank Mr. Edwards for dropping his lawsuit against me.



3 Responses

  1. Dr. Dave says:

    “Fortunately my mistress has great private health insurance”

    Hey, John. Two questions: Were you even able to feel her sides of her wall? And…does it hurt when you pee? I kinda suspect the second when I see your face in public. You should have that checked out.

  2. innominatus says:

    Just came over on a recommendation from Dr. Dave.

    Good stuff. I’ll be back…

  3. KingShamus says:

    It was nice to see the Breck Girl make an appearance over at Manhattan Infidel.

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