In perhaps the nadir of an already disappointing season, the New York Mets were defeated by the Vatican today.

The Vatican was able to hold the Mets to 1 run and 3 hits thanks to a stellar performance by Vatican starting pitcher Anthony Cardinal Bevilaqua and a solid relief outing  by Edward Cardinal Egan.

Coming into the game there was much bad blood between the teams.  Those tensions were exacerbated when Bevilaqua beaned  David Wright, a beaning that resulted in a concussion and a trip to the hospital.  As Wright lay on the ground Bevilaqua made a choking symbol and called Wright a “pretty boy pussy.”  Both benches cleared and a nasty brawl ensued.  During the brawl Luis Castillo brought a bat out onto the field and swung at Bevilaqua screaming “You killed my brother you cossack bastard!” Order was restored and both Castillo and Bevilaqua were thrown out of the game.

Edward Egan came into the game in relief for the Vatican and held them hitless for 3 innings.

After the game Mets manager Jerry Manuel expressed disappointment over the trash talking from the Vatican.  “I mean, I expected this from the Phillies but not the Vatican.”

Vatican manager Pope Benedict XVI told reporters that the beaning of Wright was accidental and said that Bevilaqua was not making a choking symbol but was blessing David Wright.  “Bevy was simply concerned for Wright’s well being.”   He was then asked about Castillo storming the mound with a baseball bat.  “Well, Bevy did order the death of Castillo’s brother…..but he was a heretic anyway and deserved to be burned at the stake.”   When asked by reporters a follow up question about the beaning Benedict lost his temper and told reporters to “go f*&# themselves” before storming out of the interview room.

For his part Jerry Manuel expressed relief that they would not have to face the Vatican again this season.

“I thought the Washington Nationals were tough, but at least the Nationals didn’t tell my hitters that they were sinners who were all going to Hell.  There is no room for that sort of trash talk in the Majors.”

Adding insult to injury as David Wright lay in a hospital room he was excommunicated by Pope Benedict.

“Well that sucks” said Wright.  “And I though the Nationals were tough!”

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