Browsing the blog archives for May, 2014

The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XVII)

These things Barack spoke, and lifting up his eyes to heaven, he said:  Father, the hour is come, glorify thy son whom you met only once or twice, that thy son who has daddy issues may glorify thee. As thou has given him power over all flesh since I am President and know no restrictions […]

Yankees, Mets Battle for Mediocrity Bragging Rights

“Little league baseball is very good because it keeps the parents off the streets” ~ Yogi Berra And so on a May night in The Bronx I went to see the Yankee play that other team that resides within the confines of New York City.  I believe they are known as the Mets but this […]


Clay Aiken Kills Again!

Clay Aiken, American Idol runner up, homosexual activist and cold blooded mass murderer has done it again.  Aiken who ran for congress from North Carolina’s 2nd congressional district against Keith Crisco, murdered his opponent today after Crisco refused to concede the election. Crisco, 71, was found dead in his home, the victim of an apparent […]

Spam (The Consensual Edition!)

Who doesn’t love Spam?  Spam between consenting adults is still legal in most states. (Thank God those right-wing Republicans and their family values haven’t triumphed!) And so without further delay enjoy the consensual spam edition. Louboutin Pour Homme writes: Sometimes close my eyes. I get that a lot from women.  Something about the “shame” of being […]

EPA Declares Atlantic Ocean a Wetland

In a ground-breaking and historic decision, the Environmental Protection Agency today declared the Atlantic Ocean a “protected wetland.” “This is a great day for the EPA” said its administrator, Gina McCarthy. This is why President Nixon founded the Environmental Protection Agency:  To protect and defend Mother Earth.  Under our new regulations the Atlantic will be […]

The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XVI)

These things I have spoken to you, that you may not be scandalized.  But really, what are the chances of a scandal happening with my disciples in the MSM to protect me. Yea, the hour cometh, that whosoever killeth you, will probably be a right-wing gun owner.  The nuts! And these things will they do […]

Nigerian Schoolgirls Kidnapped by Procol Harum!

In a move that has united the world in outrage, progressive British rock band Procol Harum kidnapped over 200 schoolgirls in Nigeria and is threatening to sell them for 12 dollars each. “This is very disturbing” declared the United Nations’ Secretary General Ban Ki-moon. I have no idea why Procol Harum would do this.  I mean I […]

American Serfs Eagerly Await Birth of New Ruler

With the news that Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and future President Hillary Clinton, is expecting her first child, serfs across the United States reacted with joy. “With Ted Kennedy dead and all the other Kennedy’s locked up or on parole America desperately needs a new royal family” declared Anderson Cooper on his program […]


Your 2014 Yankees Double Feature (The Cotton Eye Joe Edition)

“Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton Eye Joe?” ~ The Lament of Mankind. And so on a chilly Friday night in The Bronx (that’s Da Bronx to youse outsidahs) I attended my first game of the year against the Tampa Bay Rays.  The Yankees (already down two pitchers) […]


Ronald McDonald is One Fly MuthaFucka!

Marketing is the lifeblood, to paraphrase the bloodsucker Dracula.  At least I think it was Dracula.  It might have been Harry Reid.  Either way marketing is the lifeblood. McDonald’s recently introduced a complete makeover for their famous mascot, Ronald McDonald.  Gone is the baggy pantsuit and in its place a streamlined, newer, hipper Ronald McDonald. […]