What up? I’m fly muthafucka!

Marketing is the lifeblood, to paraphrase the bloodsucker Dracula.  At least I think it was Dracula.  It might have been Harry Reid.  Either way marketing is the lifeblood.

McDonald’s recently introduced a complete makeover for their famous mascot, Ronald McDonald.  Gone is the baggy pantsuit and in its place a streamlined, newer, hipper Ronald McDonald.  I recently sat down with the superstar to discuss his makeover.

MI:  Good afternoon Ronald.

RM: Please.  I hate that name.  It reeks of white privilege.  I will no longer answer to my slave name.  I am a fly muthafucka and I deserve respect!

MI: No one is disrespecting you Mr. –

RM: Fly Muthafucka.

MI: Mr. Muthafucka

RM: Fly Muthafucka!

MI: Okay Fly Muthafucka.  Why the makeover?

RM: Man you are so white.  Sales are down.  And that can only be because I wasn’t fly.  So they made me a Fly Muthafucka.  So now I be fly and chilling with my peeps in the ‘hood.

MI: The ‘hood?

RM:  Okay, the Hamptons.  But don’t tell anyone.  Anyway I am now one Fly Muthafucka!

MI: Yes I know.  You’ve mentioned that.  I understand as part of your makeover you are now on social media.  What’s your Twitter hashtag?

RM: Fly Mutha  – 

MI: Fucka.  Yes.  I should have known.  Is it true that you also rap?

RM: Fly Muthafucka is one fly hip hop artist.  Would you like me to rap for your white ass?

MI: Um.  I guess so.

RM: I can see it in yo’ eyes, you wanna see a young playa fallin
They hate to see a nigga ballin
Some of you suckers is rottin, plottin on what I got
And then you wonder why I shot him (boo-ya!)

MI: What is that from?

RM: It’s from a song I call “Do you want a Happy Meal?  Fuck the World!’  Would you like to hear more?

MI: If I said no would you stop?

RM: Man, you just don’t want to see a nigga succeed!

Young black male
I try to effect by kicking the facts
and stacking much mail
I’m packing a gat cuz guys wanna jack
and fuck goin to jail

I’m fuckin the sluts and hoes
The bigger the butts the tighter the clothes

The quicker the nigga can rap
The bigger the check, now watch how they sweat

Yes nigga, N-I-G-G-A niggaz

Ay nigga you can’t handle that shit!
Pass that man!

Hit that shit, that’s the shit!

MI:  Um.  And this is called?

RM: “Young Black Male – You Want Fries With That?”

MI: Your lyrics could be construed as controversial.  Aren’t you afraid of offending people who may want to eat at McDonalds?

RM: You want to eat your white meal?  Then go to Burger King.  Me and the niggaz in the ‘hood don’t need your white ass hounding us.

MI: I’m not hounding anyone.

RM: This interview is over whitey.  Stop oppressing my people!  Get out of my sight.

MI: Okay.  Okay.  I’ll leave.

RM:  Goodbye.

[pause]

RM: Just between me and you it’s just an act.  For the homies.  Marketing you know. I’ll see you in the Hamptons.  Come over and we’ll play tennis together.

MI: Sure.  That’s sounds good.  I’ll see you later.

RM:  This is between us right?  You won’t tell anyone?  I’m under contract and have to keep up appearances.

MI: No one will know.

Ronald McDonald.  He ain’t your father’s Ronald McDonald. He’s a fly muthafucka!

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