“Little league baseball is very good because it keeps the parents off the streets” ~ Yogi Berra
This is what a real stadium looks like, Met fans
And so on a May night in The Bronx I went to see the Yankee play that other team that resides within the confines of New York City. I believe they are known as the Mets but this cannot be confirmed. And please, don’t call it “interleague” play because that phrase is meaningless since the two leagues (conferences?) play each other regularly now.
Returning to Yankee Stadium for the first time since signing a multi-year contract with the Mets was none other than Curtis “Should I strike out again” Granderson. Granderson was a popular and productive player with the Yankees even though his last full year with the Yankees he struck out 195 times. After signing with the Mets Granderson ensured the enmity of Yankee fans by saying that “All true baseball fans in New York are Met fans.”
So how was the game? Without putting too much of a negative spin on it, the Yankees suck this year. A week before Memorial Day and the Yankees are a .500 club and show no signs of getting any better. It’ll be a long hot Summer in the Bronx.
The Yankees Started Vidal “Gonna wash myself right out of the starting rotation” Nuno (1-1 6.43) and the Mets started Zach Wheeler (1-3 3.89).
The Mets scored in the top of the first. After walking the first two batters David “Pretty Boy” Wright singled home Eric Young, Jr. The next batter, former Yankee Curtis “King of Strikeouts” Granderson then hit a three-run home run to right field. I guess Curtis misses the right field porch more than he wants to admit. 4-0 Mets after half an inning.
In the bottom of the first after singles by Brett Gardner and Mark Teixeira, Brian McCann hit a three run home run. 4-3 Mets after one.
Aha I thought. The Yankees will chip away and win!
Let me put it this way. 4-3 was the closest the Yankees came to the lead all night.
Looking at my scorecard (woe is me!) the Yankees lost. The final score was 12-7 Mets.
I’ll spare you the details.
Notes on the game:
It must be said: The sight of Jacoby Ellsbury patrolling Center Field for the Yankees frightens me almost as much as a Democrat interpreting the Constitution.
The Yankees Yangervis Solarte is the first Yangervis in the big leagues since Yangervis Ruth. Many may remember Yangervis’ famous called home run during the 1932 World Series. When asked why he called the home run, he said, “I like to show up the white man.”
That’s a baseball fact. You can look it up.
I saw someone I knew at the game today. They said, “Hey, how are you?” I was briefly excited, thinking that the person in question actually cared about how I felt. Instead it was all a ruse. So I punished them by saying, “Not so good, I just had an accident in my pants. Can you accompany me to the bathroom and help me tidy up?” This will ensure that the person is punished and never asks me this deceptive question again.
Celebrity sightings:
There were no celebrities at the game. Perhaps our Hollywood elite, between bouts of boy raping, were too busy protesting the Beverly Hills Hotel and its owner, the Sultan of Brunei to attend the game.
Your Manhattan Infidel heckle of the game:
My heckle of “Hey Curtis Granderson, Donald Sterling wants to take you to a Clippers game” almost got me beaten up. By nuns.
What? Too soon?
Yankee manager Joe Girardi was thrown out of the game. Perhaps he just didn’t want to stick around for the end either.
Reader mail:
L.K of New Jersey writes, “Your Donald Sterling heckle personally offends me!”
This from a man has a tattoo of Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus on his butt cheeks.
A.P of Poughkeepsie writes, “When a problem comes along you must whip it/before the cream sits out too long you must whip it/When something’s going wrong you must whip it.”
Are you saying we should whip the Yankees?
Recommended reading material:
Dog Days: The New York Yankees Fall from Grace and Return to Glory, 1964-1976 by Philip Bashe.
And so my record this year stands at 0-3. My next game is Friday, May 30th against the Minnesota Twins.
I apologize for the short post. But my hips cannot lie. I’m tired and the Yankees are making me depressed.
But on the bright side, the New York Rangers won and now advance to the finals.
Go Yankees!
(721)
My good friend has a 20 game package with 4 seats field level behind 1st base at YS @ $350 per plus $65 per for the private snack bar, $50 for parking, $15 for the now open GW Bridge. Each year he needs to gross +/- $50,000 to pay for this. I’m going to the park now to play bocce ball.
I have a 20 game package in the bleachers. Front row just to the left of the Yankee bullpen for 20 dollars a ticket. It’s the only tickets I can afford.
As a kid the box seats were $3.50 and the bleachers were $.75, the mezzanine $2.00 and the grandstand seats were $1.50. You gave a quarter to the usher after he brushed off your seat. The bus to manhattan cost $.25, the subway $.15 and a hot dog, if you had that kind of money was a quarter. With box seats, tipping the usher and buying a hot dog twenty games could cost as much as $88.00! But that was only for the rich people. Most times we went for free with the Union City P.A.L.
I remember going to the old old stadium. Box seats behind the Yankee dugout for 3.50.
Now the idiots seem to want to pay 800 for those same seats.
I happen to know a few of those idiots. They’re the same guys who wouldn’t give you the sweat off their balls if you were dying of thirst. And knowing that many of today’s mediocre players get paid for one game what Mantle, Mays, Kaline, Musial, Yastremski, etc earned in a full season I have little interest in going to a professional game.
P.S I am a high school varsity baseball umpire and love the game.