Clay Aiken Kills Again!

Cold blooded murderer Clay Aiken in a campaign photo.

Cold blooded murderer Clay Aiken in a campaign photo.

Clay Aiken, American Idol runner up, homosexual activist and cold blooded mass murderer has done it again.  Aiken who ran for congress from North Carolina’s 2nd congressional district against Keith Crisco, murdered his opponent today after Crisco refused to concede the election.

Crisco, 71,

The latest victim of Clay Aiken's blood lust

The latest victim of Clay Aiken’s blood lust

was found dead in his home, the victim of an apparent fall.

Officially the death has been labelled an accident by the coroner though everyone knows it was murder.

“It was Aiken.  Definitely Aiken” said the coroner.

Ever look into the eyes of Clay Aiken?  They are cold, lifeless eyes.  The eyes of a killer.  When he came here to run for congress I knew someone was going to die. This is only the beginning.  Once Aiken’s blood lust has started it’s impossible to stop.  God help us all.  I’m leaving the state and going into hiding.

Crisco’s body was found at the bottom of his stairs, his head torn off and nailed to the railing.  The words “Don’t mess with Clay” were written in blood on the wall.

Pat McCrory, governor of North Carolina, has declared a state of emergency and has asked for calm.

Citizens of North Carolina, stay in your homes, stay off the streets. Lock your doors. Clay Aiken is on the loose. Pray for our state.

The popular but blood thirsty Aiken has killed over 300 people in his reign of terror.  His first confirmed kill came during American Idol when he murdered Ryan Seacrest and ate his body. Desperate to avoid scandal or affecting ratings, the producers of American Idol replaced Seacrest with a Japanese robot.

“Fortunately Seacrest wasn’t very lifelike to begin with so no one noticed” said one of the show’s producers.

After killing his way through Hollywood, Aiken became bored and returned to North Carolina seeking new victims.  Seeing a political campaign as good cover he set his sights on Crisco.

Said Crisco’s grieving widow, “I begged him not to run against this monster.”

He laughed at me and said, “He seems like a very nice young man.  What are you talking about?”  I knew then that I would be a widow before long. Lord God of hosts, deliver us from Clay Aiken!

As to what can stop Aiken, the army have been in talks with the Japanese about borrowing Godzilla.

“Aiken is impervious to bullets” said the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Martin E. Dempsey.  “Godzilla might be our only option.”

Crisco’s widow plans to sue the producers of American Idol.

“They are responsible for this.  I don’t understand.  If Aiken wants to murder why didn’t he move to Chicago?


5 Responses

  1. Godzilla? The last thing we need is another Democrat thug!

  2. Matt says:

    Actually, I think the only thing more powerful than Clay Aiken is another Clay Aiken.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Clay Aiken can only be driven out with fasting and prayer.

      And congratulations Matt: Conservative hideout has been blocked by the firewall at work.

      You should view this as a great honor.

  3. petermc3 says:

    If only Clay would have stayed in the closet the Crisco kid and Poncho would this very day be yucking it up on horseback.Oops, i thought it was Cisco…my bad.

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