Bow before me, serf!

With the news that Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and future President Hillary Clinton, is expecting her first child, serfs across the United States reacted with joy.

“With Ted Kennedy dead and all the other Kennedy’s locked up or on parole America desperately needs a new royal family” declared Anderson Cooper on his program “Anderson Cooper 360.”

The rest of the world looks to the Republic of America as a beacon of freedom and opportunity.  And how can we be a beacon of freedom and opportunity if we keep having different rulers? I welcome Chelsea Clinton’s child.   Like all Americans I want to be ruled by a chosen few.  Like all liberal Democrats, the party of the people, I believe that our oligarchy is what makes this country great.  And with Chelsea’s mother Hillary being a lesbian it brings in an acceptable air of marriage equality to our rulers.

Chelsea admits that giving birth to the future President of the United State does occasionally fill her with anxiety.

I just hope that I will be as good a mom to my child and hopefully children as my mom was to me.  I mean I never saw her much.  She was busy destroying my father’s political enemies and anyone who might have stood in the way of their rise to the presidency.  But she stood by her man, like a good feminist should.  I just wish my parents were around more often.  But I understand.  Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Speaking of which I probably should get a crown made for my child.

Already there has been talk on Capitol Hill about changing the Constitutional requirements for the Presidency.

“Why should we wait until Chelsea’s child is 35?” asked Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV).

Hillary will be out of office in 2025.  Chelsea’s child will then be ten.  Surely that is old enough?  A ten year old has reached the age of reason.  If Republicans object to a ten year old president we can attach a period of regency to the child’s reign.

As for Americans themselves, the people that Chelsea’s child will one day rule over, they seem happy about the pregnancy.

An American who gave his name as “Fernando” was asked about the child while at the Arizona border.

“Her child give me green card, no?”

When told of this, Senator Reid assured him that a green card would be his.

“Just make sure to keep voting Democratic.  It’s the only way to keep the oligarchy in power.  Sure the Republicans have an oligarchy of their own.  But it is racist.”

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